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Late Night: Also, That Talking Rat with the Sword? GAY.

Our Conservative Friends are having a tantrum because Liam Neeson said something they don’t like about the computerized cartoon jungle cat that they worship as God.

Here is the screechy Daily Mail headline, which is to say, here is a headline from the Daily Mail:

Narnia fans’ fury after Liam Neeson claims Aslan – the symbol of Christ – could also be Mohammed

Of all the frightful things to fear in this frightening world, “the fury of Narnia fans” is not among them. Here are some words that have never been spoken: “oh dear, that Narnia fan is very, very angry. I am terrified. Oh no help please help.”

Nevertheless, they certainly are angry! “That… bad… man… disrespected what my kiddie book said about how the lion is supposed to be Jesus. Bad man! BAD MAN!”

The much-loved children’s stories have an unapologetic Christian message.

C. S. Lewis was clear that the character of Aslan in his Chronicles of Narnia is based on Christ.

But actor Liam Neeson, who voices the lion in the latest Narnia film, has prompted a row after claiming his character is also based on other religious leaders such as Mohammed and Buddha….

William Oddie, a fomer editor of The Catholic Herald and a lifelong fan of the Chronicles of Narnia, accused Neeson of ‘a betrayal of Lewis’s intention and a shameful distortion’.

He said: ‘Aslan is clearly established from the very beginning of the whole cannon as being a Christ figure. I can’t believe that Liam Neeson is so stupid as not to know.’

Yeah, Liam Neeson is so stupid. What a moron. A total jerkface. He should be ashamed of himself. Why, he is so dumb, he probably thinks “cannon” there should be spelled “canon”!

What he should have said was “this children’s movie is about how a great big CGI lion is Jesus, and the message of the films to non-Christians is, look at this great big super-cool lion, don’t you wish he was your God? But your God sucks, because he is not represented as a CGI lion in this particular movie. Neener neener, heathen infidel loser dorkface losers.”

At least that is the Big Stupid argument made over at Big Stupid Hollywood, by Big Stupid John Nolte:

And what happens just a week before the release of the latest expensive installment of a franchise on the bubble of extinction? An actor puffed up with his own importance decides to attack the very heart of the series and take what it means — it’s very essence — away from the very audience that can make it the most profitable. I don’t want to see some goofy, multi-cultural, politically correct fantasy movie because nowadays everything’s multicultural, politically correct and goofy. Call me intolerant, but I want to see a Christian movie, a movie that honors and respects my beliefs and affirms them. And if Muslims want the same, more power to them. But this ain’t it.

Fascinating. However, the demographic loopy enough to say “I’m not going to that movie if the computerized lion does not solely represent MY preferred deity!” is very possibly not large enough to turn the film into a commercial blockbuster, or else a commercial flop, all on its lonesome.

For myself, the obvious Christian parallels in the Narnia series were always a turnoff, even as a kid. Once you figure it out, and it’s not all that hard to do even for 10 year olds, the books seem like someone is trying to trick you into taking snot-tasting medicine. To enjoy the books you have to ignore the “message,” but since you’re being clubbed over the head with it, that’s quite the trick. And you don’t even have to be Godless to feel this way (which is one reason The Lord of the Rings films are both better and more moneymaking than the Narnia ones).

More broadly, as a fairly basic aesthetic principle, if a work of art only appeals to the strict preconceptions and prejudices of a certain group of extremely touchy true believers, that work of art is very likely to suck big stinky cat balls.

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A community college professor from upstate NY. My wife & I have 347 children, all of them rotten.