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Cap’n Sully: Don’t Touch My Wife’s Junk!

It looks like your average airline passenger isn’t the only one who is balking at the idea of an intense fondling by TSA agents. Everyone’s favorite airplane pilot, Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger, is majorly pissed off at the blatant invasion of privacy:

On CNN’s American Morning Tuesday, anchor Kiran Chetry asked Sullenberger what he thinks of the pat down policy, paraphrasing John Tyner’s concerns this way: “I don’t want anybody but my wife and maybe my doctor touching me in the places these people are touching me.

Sully, by the way, can land a passenger jet in a river without so much as getting a passenger wet, but he couldn’t stop the TSA from hand searching his own wife during a recent trip. (Hands off Mrs. Sully, you goons!) “She was touched in sensitive places,” said Sully.

I’m thinking of wearing a wet Depends the next time I have to go through security. I’m going to refuse the scanner and let the TSA stick their hands all over a soggy, vinegar-soaked diaper, instead. This is all so much security theater bullshit designed to enrich Michael Chertoff and his BFFs at Rape-a-scan.

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NYC-based aquatic feline that likes long walks on the beach, illuminating the hypocrisies of "family values" Republicans, and engaging in snarling snarkitude.