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Late Night: The Wheels Come Off the Crazy Train

Is there some unspoken competition within the Teabagger candidates’ club for the title of “His/Her Royal Heinous”? Because if there is, I’m putting my money on New York gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino to walk off with the crown.

Fresh off his grotesque performance last week in which he snarled incoherently about his opponent’s “sexual prowess,” Paladino managed to offend yet another segment of the voting populace of New York State while “giving a speech” before the Hasidic Jewish community in Brooklyn last night:

The Tea Party backed candidate drew fire last night following remarks before Orthodox Jewish leaders because he told them he does not want his children “to be brainwashed into thinking that homosexuality is an equally valid and successful option- it isn’t.”

If that degree of stupendous bigotry weren’t enough to make you want to stab yourself in the eye with a stick of beef jerky, what was in his speech–but apparently crossed out at the last minute–should do the trick:

According to Newsday’s Reid Epstein, the line, “There is nothing to be proud of in being a dysfunctional homosexual. That is not how G-d created us” was in Paladino’s prepared text but left out of his actual speech.

Dysfunctional?! Gays are dysfunctional? This coming from a reptilian psychopath who fucked around on his emotionally abused wife (and I have no doubt it got physical), fathered an illegimate child, and remains completely unrepentant about the fact? Someone needs to remind the sneering, hypocritical douchemook that homosexuality isn’t listed in the Ten Commandments, but adultery is pretty high up on God’s list of things he/she/it strongly disapproves of.

It was only a matter of minutes before Paladino had to explain away his latest outrageously offensive comments. He took to the broadcast airwaves this morning, where he tried to spin himself out of the hole he’d dug.

I have ‘difficulty’ deciding if homosexuality is a choice.

The GOP candidate told “GMA” that he saw a  gay pride parade in Toronto and said it “wasn’t pretty.”

“It was a bunch of very extreme type people, wearing bikini type outfits, grinding at each other and doing these gyrations and I certainly wouldn’t let my young children see that,” he said.

Paladino thinks men “grinding at each other” is disgusting, but has no problem distributing videos of a woman “doing a horse”. Homosexuals can’t get married, but sleeping around on your wife is hunky dory. Consistency, as you can now see, is not Paladino’s strong suit.

There’s more. It seems (at least to me) that his “it wasn’t my fault” defense is as pock-marked as Paladino’s emotional complexion. From Politico:

Paladino told me he dictated general remarks to an aide who put that sentence in there – but he said it is not what he believes.

O RLY? According to the New York Post:

A prepared text of yesterday’s speech distributed by leaders of the congregation before it was delivered was far more incendiary, declaring that God disapproves of homosexuality and gays should be ashamed of themselves.

But Paladino did not read those lines, saying they were inserted by members of the congregation without his approval.

It must be so difficult keeping ahead of all the lies. So who was responsible for the insult? One of Paladino’s aides or Yehuda Levin? This shitwhistle couldn’t keep his stories straight if his love child’s life depended on it.

And then there’s the matter of Paladino’s business dealings. For all his blustering tough talk about bootstraps and damning those who “suck at the government tit,” Paladino made his fortune doing just that:

Democratic opponents charge his companies’ web of leases with government agencies, tax credits and political contributions to both parties over the years contradicts a platform that pledges to reduce state spending and taxes.

And critics of the Empire Zone program, which provided Paladino’s firms with millions of dollars in tax breaks in exchange for little job growth, point to the ineffectiveness of the now-expired economic development program.

State records obtained by Gannett’s Albany Bureau through a Freedom of Information request show Paladino received $3.4 million in Empire Zone tax benefits over the last decade, but created only 29 jobs, or $118,305 in tax breaks for each job created.

One of Paladino’s companies, J-P Group LLC, was decertified from the program in 2009 by the state after it received $883,807 in tax credits and failed to create a single job, records show.

The only job that Paladino seems to have created is at his accountant’s firm. He is seriously deluded if he thinks he considers himself an outsider in the the seedy, Byzantine world of Albany politics. Given his personal and professional track record, he’s utterly indistinguishable from the other self-enriching scumbags like Pedro Espada or Hiram Monserrate, who litter the Capitol building.

Paladino, governor material? He’s just another grifter, like Palin and O’Donnell. I think he’s more likely to wind up in the cast of “Jackass” than in the governor’s mansion in Albany.

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NYC-based aquatic feline that likes long walks on the beach, illuminating the hypocrisies of "family values" Republicans, and engaging in snarling snarkitude.