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Late Night: Take Back the White 2010

Now that the hordes of Sansabelt-clad teabaggers who waddled to descended upon Washington, D.C. for a group primal scream therapy session have taken their honor, along with their fannypacks, back issues of Parade magazine, and Medicare cards, back to their gated retirement communities, we can cogitate on what really happened in our nation’s capital.

Did this rally restore honor to America? Hardly. The convention on Saturday, which coopted one of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s greatest moments, was one big Caucasian pity party, filled with resentment, steel-reinforced ignorance (“There’s a Communist in the White House”!), simmering racism and misplaced anger, paid for by the Koch brothers and other Republican deep pockets.

More than anything else, it was a surreal–albeit disappointingly ennervating–“through the looking-glass” moment: whites, the vast majority of whom have never in their lives been deprived of their civil liberties (unless you include missing the 2-for-1 special at the Old Country Buffet last Tuesday because Eunice was waiting for the darned UPS driver to deliver her new Marie Osmond Charisma™ doll from QVC), are now the oppressed minority.

The entire event was one big thumb in the eye of the memory of  the late civil rights leader, starting with Sarah Palin’s call to “honor” Dr. King’s memory by supporting the military.

Evoking the legacies of civil rights activist Martin Luther King Jr. and former presidents George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, Palin called on Americans to restore traditional values to the country by celebrating those who have fought for the nation’s freedoms.

Never mind that King, a pacifist, spent his life railing against the military. We’re on the other side of the mirror now.

Then there was the Sandwich Incident at a local deli, in which one Teabagger, already hopped up on anti-government rhetoric, became enraged that, thanks to D.C.’s “bag tax” instated earlier this year, he had to pay an additional 5¢ — FIVE RED PENNIES, PEOPLE! — for his sandwich. What did our intrepid Jean-Paul Marat wannabe do instead of paying for his meal? He hurled the sandwich at the innocent employee behind the counter, hitting him in the face, and stormed out. Vive le Revolution!

Then there was Beck’s straw man for the day, his weepy, flatulent call for America’s to return to godliness (funny, I didn’t know it had departed), which even evangelical Christians have a hard time swallowing, given Beck’s conversion to Satanic Mormonism:

Glenn Beck promotes a false gospel. … Mormonism is not a Christian denomination but a cult of Christianity. … Many endorse false gospels including Mormonism.

Ironically, the next morning during an interview with Chris Wallace, crocodile tear-streaked Beck slammed President Obama’s religiosity, sending out the popular liberation theology dogwhistle to his rabid fans:

WALLACE: You said recently that the reason that a growing number of Americans don’t think President Obama is a Christian is because they don’t recognize the faith that he is practicing and in fact you even called it a perversion of the gospel of Jesus Christ. And you know I respect you and I say this affectionately but who made you the God Squad?

BECK: Oh, nobody made me the God Squad. The pope even said, this is Pope Benedict, that it is demonic not divine when theology crosses into the line of doing that which only the divine can do. He was speaking specifically about liberation theology.

If Beck were such a devout, good Christian, he would know that (1) he was misinterpreting what the Pope said, and (2) Jesus was the first practitioner of liberation theology. Silly me. That would require the huckster to own up to his fraudulent dog and pony show.

The last thing Glenn Beck and his minions are concerned with is honor or peace or civil rights. They’re more concerned with cynically manipulating gullible, easily frightened people whose primary motivators are distrust of “The Other” and a penchant for conspiracy theories in order to further their own financial success. This gathering was nothing more than a publicity stunt for Beck and Palin, at the expense of the memory of Dr. King and his efforts.

Anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is a Beckerhead.

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NYC-based aquatic feline that likes long walks on the beach, illuminating the hypocrisies of "family values" Republicans, and engaging in snarling snarkitude.