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Late Night: All’s Changed, Changed Stupidly — A Fatuous Inanity Is Burped


I didn’t watch or pay any attention at all to the Developing Story of the Glenn Beck Million MOPE* March, perhaps because I’m not a superannuated paranoid Caucasian crank afflicted with an overdeveloped persecution complex and uncomfortable underpants that constrict excitingly whenever I contemplate “socialism.” Why, I’m not remotely superannuated! (The rim, it is shot, execution-style.)

It’s not, of course, that I wish to downplay the most World-Historical Significantest event in the history of doughy insane cable television lunatic hucksters yelping soppy tedious halfwit whiny bullshit to morons. Gosh no. It was as momentously momentous and miraculously marvelous as advertised, I’m sure. But I had other, better things to do, like sort socks and check to see if the paint was drying properly.

But I do like a good laugh, who doesn’t, and so I’ve poked around Greater Wingnuttia, very gingerly and wearing great heavy leather gloves, to see what the inmates are howling.

The first comic bit, unsurprisingly, given the history of this sort of thing, is the nonsensical overinflation of the attendance. Jim Hoft called it at a HALF A MILLION PATRIOTS, but in his defense, it’s hard to count when you have ejaculate in your eye, and he’d just seen Sarah Palin, and besides, he’s none too clever to start with. The Nordic Nincompoop herself apparently burbled at some point that there were about 300K, but if you’re expecting Sarah Palin to know anything, I can’t help you. The prize though has to go to InstaDope and his updates:
A READER PHOTO FROM WASHINGTON: Reader Tom K. is at the Glenn Beck event in DC and sends this picture. He writes:

Your namesake’s event is overwhelming in the number of people here. Accents and flags from every corner of the USA but not a single protest sign in sight. If CNN finds an angry protester, that might be the lone one.

The photo attached can’t do justice to the magnitude of the turnout. The only imagery I can conjure is the protest scene in “Forrest Gump” with many more added.

I can’t wait to hear the MSM’s description of the turnout.

Something along the lines of “Scores gathered near the Lincoln Memorial today . . . ” Somebody try to get me an overhead shot.

Uh, OK, dummy: the “somebody” here would be the, uh, MSM, who commissioned “overhead shots,” and counted 87,000. A number which would appear to be pretty definitive, pending a close examination of the kerning, of course.

Not that 87K isn’t impressive! After all, Beck gets, what, about 1.8 million viewers? I myself would not have ever imagined in a million years that 4.8% of Glenn Beck’s audience could have managed to raise themselves off their sofas without a week’s notice and a derrick, so you have to give them applause on that score. Well done!

Back to Palin, this is a fun headline:

Sarah Palin Thanks America’s ‘Giants,’ Large And Small, At Restoring Honor Rally

A “small giant” is like a “smart idiot,” which is I suppose a quite reasonable oxymoron for a pig-ignorant shyster who is able to posture as an anti-government heroine while hustling a taxpayer-funded institution for nearly 100 large. Or who, for the love of FUCK says that the best way to honor the legacy of Martin Luther King Jr is to honor the military. (!) (Or, rather, !!)

Instadope’s correspondent also touches upon a bizarre class of high-fiving wingnuts are currently preening themselves on, namely that the attendees managed to avoid carrying any racist signs whatsoever. See, for instance, the always preposterous William Jacobsen, snarking oddly at Think Progress:

Think Progress tried really, really hard to cover the Restoring Honor rally with photographers and videographers.  I don’t think it is a stretch to think that Think Progress was hoping beyond hope that it would find a sign or something else that would permit it to portray the rally as racist.

Uh, dumbass? Why do you think Glenn frickin’ Beck told his zombies NOT TO BRING SIGNS? Perhaps something to do with the bad PR to be expected if you didn’t have to remind Fox News viewers to play it cool when you’re pretending that Glenn Beck is, for chrissake, something remotely comparable to Martin Luther King?

Pity they didn’t pay as close attention to the misspelled T-shirt-wearing dumbasses. (Via Gawker.)

* M.O.P.E. = “Most Oppressed People Ever.” With apologies to Prof. Kennedy, the term is even more appropriate for Glenn Beck fans than anyone else ever.

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A community college professor from upstate NY. My wife & I have 347 children, all of them rotten.