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Sunday Late Night: Surreal Servicemember Spouse Survey

“Let’s conduct a survey” has reached a surreal level within the Pentagon — apparently servicemembers’ spouses’ views also interest the brass, who claim they are attempting to discover how, not whether, to implement a repeal of the antiquated and odious Don’t-Ask-Don’t-Tell policy.

Now, spouses of servicemembers are being asked how they would react if One of Them moved into base housing nearby, or how they’d counsel their spouse regarding re-enlistment if One of Them were to be revealed in the spouse’s unit, or how they’d counsel a friend or family member considering joining the military if All of Them were permitted to serve openly in America’s military.

Of course, the servicemembers’ gaydar is also evaluated:

8. Has your spouse ever worked on a daily basis with an individual he or she believed to be a homosexual Service member?
Don’t know

Did your spouse share with belief with you? Did your spouse keep this belief from you? How many days did it take for your spouse to reveal this belief? Didn’t you wonder why your spouse kept this belief from you that long? Did you invite the suspected homosexual to your home in order for you to validate your spouse’s new belief? Did the suspected homosexual order a cocktail with an umbrella? Or ask for beer in a glass?

omg, how did your spouse ever resist the temptation of hopping into bed with that homosexual service member? Were you forced, as a spouse, to try new sexual positions based upon chatter from the break room at your spouse’s work? Did you ever wonder where these new ideas for bedroom private time your spouse was proposing might come from?

Did you check your spouse’s clothing for Teh Ghey cooties?

Spouses are also asked what level of support, counseling, and advice they might need when repeal of DADT is, you know, ordered by their servicemembers’ spouses’ command structure:

11. If Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is repealed, the military will want to prepare and assist spouses in understanding the new policy. How would you like the military to provide you with information on the new policy? MARK ALL THAT APPLY
• No special activities or communications would be necessary
• Distribute printed information to spouses about repeal
• Provide information about repeal on military Web sites
• Have interactive chats available on line to answer questions from Service member spouses
• Provide information through military chaplains trained to work with spouses and family members on repeal
• Provide information through military counselors trained to work with spouses and family members on repeal
• Provide information through Family Readiness Group/Work-Life Program leaders trained to work with spouses and family members on repeal
• Offer courses to spouses on how to discuss repeal within their families.
• Other, please specify: ______

Fliers and websites? I hope they print playing cards with the out servicemembers’ faces and profiles on them. That’ll make them so much easier to identify in the war theatre and PX. Just like leaflets, playing cards are helpful when introducing an occupying force to an insurgency within — in this case, an insurgency with A Gay Agenda.

Finally, how will you act if One Of Them moves in next door?

24. Assume Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is repealed and you live on-base housing. If a gay or lesbian Service member lived in your neighborhood with their partner, would you stay on-base or try to move out?
• I would stay on-base
• I would try to move out
• Don’t Know
• Does not apply, I would not live on-base

25. While living on-base, which of the following would you do?
• I would make a special effort to get to know the gay or lesbian Service member
• I would get to know them like any other neighbor
• I would generally avoid them when I could
• I would do nothing
• I would do something else, please specify ______
• Don’t know

Again, these questions are being asked of spouses of servicemembers whose commanding officers are, presumably, implementing a direct order.

Just imagine, if you will, these questions being asked of any other minority denied our rights to serve openly. This is the latest in our American military’s road down their sorry method of implementation predicted by the Palm Center:

“All the countries studied completed their implementations of repeal either immediately or within four months of the government’s decision to end discrimination. These experiences confirm research findings which show that a quick, simple implementation process is instrumental in ensuring success. Swift, decisive implementation signals the support of top leadership and confidence that the process will go smoothly, while a “phased-in” implementation can create anxiety, confusion, and obstructionism.”

Servicemembers United gives the military brass too much credit, I think, when they say this:

Again we stress that neither the President, the Secretary of Defense, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff nor anyone else would ever stand for such insulting questions being asked about any other minority group in the military in this day and age.

First they came for the sexual deviants, and I said nothing….

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