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Sunday Late Night: Stretch Talks Progress with TMCP

The Man Called Petraeus spoke to Stretch Gregory about the amazing progress, security progress, economic progress, rule-of-law progress, up-and-down progress, small pockets of progress, areas of progress, governance progress, greater progress, incremental progress, pockets of progress, sustained progress that began just this spring: progress = winning in Afghanistan!

I predict TMCP’s media blitz drinking game drunk-word…. progress

Look at all the progress and say we aren’t winning, America! Or the two-thirds of us Americans whose message Stretch carries to TMCP: we lack confidence in a successful outcome to this war. We need to look at the progress.

It’s all a matter of ‘inputs,’ which according to TMCP were absent in terms of organizations and individuals and refined concepts like reintegration of bad guys who want to reconcile with Afghani society. This war is also a long-term proposition (not a news flash, TMCP). Alert the media: America’s longest war is a long-term proposition! These additional inputs are enabling outputs, which lead to progress. Recall, please, that progress = winning!

(Is there actually wood to touch in the General’s chopper when he says “touch wood?”)

Amazingly, what was achieved in Iraq is what we can achieve in Afghanistan! It’s just another American war theatre, after all.


(Although the story in Iraq is still being written according to TMCP, so there’s that.)

At the very end, TMCP identifies for a coy Stretch Gregory the General whose statement he’ll emulate with regard to running for, or even becoming, President. And it’s not U S Grant! So the joke’s on Stretch and his research team, who brought the wrong quote for TMCP.

If Hitler were alive today, he’d roll over in his grave to hear this TMCP effort called a media ‘blitz.’ It’s more like a media Hindenberg, if we must use a German word. Or Edsel — that’s German, isn’t it? Sort of?

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