Big Gay Greg and His Big Gay Cry For Attention
Greg Gutfeld who hosts Red Eye, which is that show that Fox runs at 3AM for people who find the Hanger Cascader infomercials complex and hard to follow, has announced that he is going to open a ISLAMIC GAY BAR (har har…funnee!) next to the Ground Zero Muslimtorium and this is going to be so wicked cool and hilarious that Fox may even move his show to the coveted 2:30AM spot currently occupied by Who Wants To Take A Shower With Bill O’Reilly? But Greg wants you to know that he is totally for serious about this and he has found investors who have yet to be bilked by Tucker Carlson or Roger Simon so this thing is totally really gonna happen just like the release of the Whitey Tape:
I’m announcing tonight, that I am planning to build and open the first gay bar that caters not only to the west, but also Islamic gay men. To best express my sincere desire for dialogue, the bar will be situated next to the mosque Park51, in an available commercial space.
This is not a joke. I’ve already spoken to a number of investors, who have pledged their support in this bipartisan bid for understanding and tolerance.
As you know, the Muslim faith doesn’t look kindly upon homosexuality, which is why I’m building this bar. It is an effort to break down barriers and reduce deadly homophobia in the Islamic world.
The goal, however, is not simply to open a typical gay bar, but one friendly to men of Islamic faith. An entire floor, for example, will feature non-alcoholic drinks, since booze is forbidden by the faith. The bar will be open all day and night, to accommodate men who would rather keep their sexuality under wraps – but still want to dance.
I imagine his “business plan” also includes a bacon bar (snerk!), some of those street caricaturists who will draw everyone as Muhammad (guffaw), and selections from the Koran printed on the toilet paper…wait for it…wait for it… in the unisex bathrooms (bwahahahaha…oh, Jesus, you’re killing me) all guaranteed to generate enormous prophets (get it?) for his investors. And what investor these days isn’t looking to sink some extra cash they’ve got laying around into a publicity stunt by a fifth-string “comedian” with a Q score slightly lower than the stunt double for that guy who plays the building super on Law & Order SVU in that one episode where he finds the body at the beginning of the episode. Yeah, that guy. He’s awesome.
And you know The Gut (and what a cool frat-boy nickname that is compared to earlier iterations like The Gutster, Gutman, Gutterino, Gutzilla, and Flaming Bag of Tard) is dead serious about this whole thing when he writes:
Which would make Red Eye the most serious show on teevee. Even more serious than Washington Journal which, to be fair, runs those hilarious outtakes as they roll the closing credits….