Late Night: Sometimes a Banana is Actually a Disguised Tactical Nuke
I wonder if there’s a Batshit Crazy alert at Michele Bachmann’s campaign headquarters that buzzes every time some other illiterate Republican idiot infringes on her trademarked brand of unfiltered ignorance.
If such an alarm did exist, it would be buzzing louder than a stadium full of vuvuzelas today. The culprit? None other than Georgia Rep. Paul Broun, the bastard love child of Glenn Beck and Iowa’s Nitwit Knave, Steve King. Yes, Broun is the same guy who alleged that health care reform was akin to the “Yankee War of Aggression”. Dude’s got a batting average to maintain, and he swung for the fences today:
BROUN: Our President he is utilizing this crisis of this oil spill to try to promote this energy tax. And I’ve had numerous people, all over the district, question whether his poor response to this oil spill was purposeful so that he could promote his energy tax. I don’t know, maybe.
Oxygen must be in short supply in the Wonderbread-colored sky of Brounworld, given that this tweezerhead sounds like he was deprived of it from the day the stork dropped him off . . . headfirst and from a great height . . . at his parents’ house.
So the Kenyan-born Muslim Communo-Fascist Antichrist who hates white people is not only the illegimate Presidency Thief, but in his spare time, doubles as the Heart of the Apocalypse, the Destroyer of Worlds. Did you know that he also started the blaze that leveled Chicago (poor, scapegoated Mrs. O’Leary’s cow), relocated the Illuminati to their new offices deep underneath Denver International Airport, and singlehandedly brought down WTC 7 . . . simply using the power of his fiendish mind?
Actually, I’ll let you in on a little secret: Obama’s devilishly clever plan was to let the Macondo well vomit all its oil into the Gulf so that people wouldn’t be able to buy their 0 SPF Hawaiian Tropic Tanning Oil and would thus be forced into tanning salons, where they would have to pay that damned reverse racist tanning salon tax. Why, it’s just like those reeducation camps, but for sun worshipers!
Really, why else would Obama sit idly by while millions of gallons of viscous toxicity spew into the Gulf? I believe the great philosopher of our time, Snooki from “The Jersey Shore”, summed it up best:
Snooki: Um, I really don’t see the reason why there would be a tax on tanning, because so many people go tanning even though they’re not, like, Guido/Guidettes. People go tanning because they like to feel tan.
I digress. Paul Broun and the logic-challenged constituency he tries to pin this latest stupidity on need to step away from the “Red Dawn” fanfic if they think that Obama’s “deer in the headlights” response to the spill was any different from, say, George Bush’s “deer in the headlights” response to Hurricane Katrina. There’s a perfectly valid principle that defines the President’s apparent indifference to the destruction wrought on the Gulf. It’s called “Occam’s Razor.” And it invariably leads to the truth.
But I suppose painting Obama as History’s Latest Greatest Monster (Muslim Edition), is a lot more satisfying than admitting that the whole political system, of which Broun is an active, willing participant, is hopelessly and irreparably corrupt.