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22 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Nancy Pelosi’s Fake Budget ‘n Bombs Bill

Graphic by twolf

  1. The Blue Dogs did not want to pass a budget because it would acknowledge long-term deficits and Republicans would be mean to them. But if you’re in the majority and you can’t even pass a friggin’ budget you look like an irresponsible douchebag.
  2. Without consulting the progressives who voted her in as Speaker, Nancy Pelosi joined the Blue Dogs to come up with a brilliant plan to pass a rule saying they had passed a budget without actually troubling themselves to do so.
  3. There are about 6 people on life support somewhere with the brain activity of Terry Schiavo who find this compelling.
  4. The rule includes a spending cap of $1.12 trillion, which was $3 billion lower than Conrad’s spending cap and $7 billion lower than Obama’s spending cap, so everyone who voted for it can swing their johnsons around and claim to be the  most “fiscally responsible.”
  5. That means $7 billion will probably have to be carved out of funding for existing domestic spending programs, cos we know it ain’t coming out of defense
  6. In order to make it look like a “budget” that didn’t actually contain a budget wasn’t a complete joke, the Democrats decided to hide behind the catfood commission. The fake “budget” they say they passed stipulates reducing the deficit by roughly 3% of GDP, and the catfood commission will decide where that 3% comes from.
  7. More members of Congress believe in the tooth fairy than believe the catfood commission will actually carve 3% of GDP out of the deficit.
  8. Some anti-war Democrats say they were tricked into voting for the rule, and that they did not know the war funding provisions were self-executing. They believed that a separate vote on war funding would occur later. But in addition to agreeing that they had passed a budget, turns out they also agreed that they passed a war funding bill. So fake liberals like Kendrick Meek can campaign on being “anti-war” and tell people they didn’t vote for the war funding bill when they actually did. Cue the Schiavo chorus.
  9. Obama threatened to veto the bill if it included Dave Obey’s amendment to save teacher jobs. Obey’s amendment passed with only 3 Democratic defections, flipping a major bird to Obama.
  10. Since the Obey amendment wasn’t in the Senate bill, the House bill now has to go back to the Senate. More members of Congress believe the catfood commission will carve 3% of GDP out of the deficit than believe the Senate will embarrass Obama by passing the Obey amendment.
  11. Nancy Pelosi didn’t want to catch rashers of shit for allowing a vote on the catfood commission’s recommendations in a lame duck Congress, especially after they recommend cutting Social Security benefits and investing 20% of the Social Security Trust Fund in the stock market. So she distributed the blame in advance by sneaking language into the rule that agreed to hold a vote on the recommendations before January 5, 2011, and now 215 others share that honor with her. Good times.
  12. Budget committee chair John Spratt, chosen by Pelosi to serve on the the catfood commission, is being blamed for demanding the vote on the catfood recommendations before he’d support the rule.
  13. More members of Congress believe the Senate will pass the Obey amendment than believe the Chairman of the Budget Committee would buck leadership and vote against the rule.
  14. John Spratt conveniently hails from a conservative district, where screwing with Social Security and Medicare will actually help him, as opposed to Pelosi’s San Francisco district.
  15. The rule says that the House will vote on the catfood commission recommendations after they pass the Senate. But all new taxes have to originate in the House. Therefore, in order for the catfood commission plan to pass the Senate first, it cannot contain any new taxes.
  16. The man whose support is critical to passing the catfood commission’s recommendations, John Boehner, is no doubt knocking back boilermakers at Charlie Palmer’s in celebration right now. He had been saying “read my lips, no new taxes” until a couple of days ago. No wonder he’s singing the same song about benefit cuts as Alice Rivlin, Jim Clyburn, Alan Simpson and virtually every member of the catfood commission. It’s one big happy family now.
  17. You have to be f*%&ing r*#arded to think that 41 Democrats will come together to oppose Obama to successfully filibuster a straight-up “entitlement cut” in the Senate that has Republicans drooling. Dick Durbin, the man who whipped AGAINST Byron Dorgan’s drug reimportation bill, isn’t out there telling liberals to suck it up for nothing.
  18. Robert Gates said if he did not get his war money before July 4, he would have to do “stupid things. Since the bill now goes back to the Senate, and the Senate is in recess until after July 4, Gates is SOL.
  19. Dave Obey is Chair of the Appropriations Committee. If the Senate chucks his amendment, he gets to decide if he’s going to go head-to-head with Obama over saving teacher jobs.
  20. Obey actually has some power to f&%k people up and hold their votes if he decides he wants to fight Obama. He also gets to decide where that $7 billion is going to come from to keep spending under the cap. Those johnsons could pause in mid-swing if Obey suddenly decides to cast his gaze on their pet projects.  You were saying, Rahm?
  21. Will Obey put up a fight? Well, he’s not running for reelection, he’s cranky by nature and he’s pissed about this. And on sentiment, he has the overwhelming support of the caucus. On the down side, God probably does not love me that much.
  22. The one bright spot in all of this is the prospect of watching Robert Gates get with the stupid.
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Jane Hamsher

Jane Hamsher

Jane is the founder of Her work has also appeared on the Huffington Post, Alternet and The American Prospect. She’s the author of the best selling book Killer Instinct and has produced such films Natural Born Killers and Permanent Midnight. She lives in Washington DC.
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