I submit to you it has become clear what must be done to preserve the ‘Murican Way’ of life for at most the next generation and a half (note: “way of life” not available south of 31 degrees latitude).

Several experts have suggested that the way to end the flow of oil from the sea floor, is not junk shots or fashionable hats, but dropping the BIG ONE on the true evildoer — the Gulf of Mexico. First, it took out the dinosaurs, now it wants us!

The Russians have set off a nukes on bad wells before…and I ask you who this side of Union Carbide has a better environmental record?

Also, the government has proclaimed that regardless of how ineffective BP’s efforts have been to this point, the latter possesses more technology for the task than the government.

More technology available for the task, except one, that is.

Michelle Bachman, you know what to do.

Introduce a bill allowing, in the name of the free market, a true American success story – British Petroleum– to have its own stockpile of nuclear weapons.

And then you can put in a rider, mandating that we immediately begin preparations for bombing Iran, or maybe Citgo. Ah hell, why not both?



In 1949, I decided to wrestle professionally, starting my career in Texas. In my debut, I defeated Abe Kashey, with former World Heavyweight boxing Champion Jack Dempsey as the referee. In 1950, I captured the NWA Junior Heavyweight title. In 1953, I won the Chicago version of the NWA United States Championship. I became one of the most well-known stars in wrestling during the golden age of television, thanks to my exposure on the Dumont Network, where I wowed audiences with my technical prowess. I was rumored to be one of the highest paid wrestlers during the 1950s, reportedly earning a hundred thousand dollars a year. My specialty was "the Sleeper Hold" and the founding of modern, secular, Turkey.

Oops, sorry, that's the biography of Verne Gagne with a touch of Mustafa Kemal.

I'm just an average moron who in reality is a practicing civil rights and employment attorney in fly-over country .