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Late Night: Somebody Stop Her Before She Stupids Again!

"Nobody knows the troubles I've caused..."

The World’s Most Grossly Overpaid “Author” stopped in President Obama’s home town of Chicago last night to offend rational people’s sensibilities con stupid rich people out of their money ostensibly fundraise for Republicans and fearmonger to those rabidly mindless followers who collectively suffer from short term memory loss, given how they still slap their knees and bay at her tired, never-amusing-in-the-first-place joke:

With a huge U.S. flag behind her and a podium in front of her, Palin criticized the “hopey, changey thing” in mocking Obama’s campaign pledge of hope and change.

Jesus Christ on a Cool Ranch-Flavor Wheat Thin, how many more times does she think she can work that fucking heinous line? (And how many more times will the “lamestream media” –her other flogged dead horse of a punchline– push and shove each other at the front of the house, “ooh”ing and “aah”ing as she struts across the stage in her oddly inappropriate, faux motorcycle jacket?)

Not content to criminally molest the English language, Palin also wasted valuable oxygen shivving Logic so she could scold a local Chicago school for cancelling its girls’ basketball team’s trip to Arizona because it opposes the state’s new immigration policies. But she didn’t stop there:

She also ripped the school for sponsoring a trip to China.

You know how they treat girls in China?” Palin said. “It makes no sense.”

WTF?! A Wookie? On Endor?! My god, it’s the Chewbacca Defense!

For this, idiots pony up $1000 a pop. Hardly surprising, I guess. These are the same people who are invariably going to line up to shell out $20 for Palin’s next compendium of cliches (No, seriously. The book is going to be nothing more than a collection of Palin’s favorite bon mots, which she has just learned aren’t made of chocolate.).

Honestly, what irks me the most about Palin’s huckster speechifying is just how stupendously BAD she is at it, and yet she still gets paid. As has been noted here on more than one occasion, sarcasm needs the vital element of a quick wit to be effective.  And I think we can all agree that if it’s one thing Sarah Palin lacks, it’s a well-honed sense of humor. Well, one that she didn’t steal from one of Piper’s classmates.

Oh, wait, that’s right. Piper doesn’t go to school anymore. She’s too busy being her mother’s handbag.

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NYC-based aquatic feline that likes long walks on the beach, illuminating the hypocrisies of "family values" Republicans, and engaging in snarling snarkitude.