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Michelle Obama’s Anti-Obesity Plans Revealed

Michelle Obama is leading the charge against childhood obesity. Here we outdo WebMD and present the First Lady’s 3 top ideas for keeping kids in shape!

#1: Punch-a-Progressive Program.

Michelle says this about her Punch-a-Progressive Program:

You know how my hubby stays in shape and keeps that cute bottom and also how Rahm keeps the midriff bulge off: they punch progressives. Not just daily, but two or three times a day. Great for the upper arms too (check mine out!).

#2: Help-a-Banker-Cross-the-Street Program.

We all know that bankers require help these days. And, the bigger they are the more help they need. So, here’s a great workout for your cardiovascular system: help bankers cross the streets. Protect them, pamper them. Remember, the more you coddle them, the more calories you will burn up!

Michelle’s hot tip of the day:

My "Help-A-Banker-Cross-the-Street Program" has been endorsed by none other than Robert Rubin. He especially urges you to help bankers from Goldman Sachs and Citigroup. They’re easy to spot: they’re truly losers and many of them can be identified by their golden parachutes or because they are sporting job id’s from my husband’s administration.

#3: Cut Entitlements Program.

Here’s a program that’s great for your wrist muscles and for you lower arms. Get out there and cut every entitlement designed to help average Americans that you see. Social security, medicare, medicaid–these are not the kind of programs that Princeton and Harvard Law School grads rely on anyway. Barack’s hero Ronald Reagan didn’t much like them either.

But if you cut these wasteful entitlements and squeeze the life out of them, you’ll not only cut the fat out of our budget but out of your obese body and the body politic. We can then spend the saved dollars where they are really needed: the Defense Department budget (one of my other programs is to assist servicemen and servicewomen); bailing out major corporations; and helping Blue Dogs get reelected.

You should see the wonders this program has done for Alice Rivlin and Anne Fudge since my hubby put them on his deficit reduction commission. They’re earning more money too!

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