WASHINGTON (Roiders) – In congressional testimony, Halliburton Inc. denied shoddy workmanship was to blame for the Horizon oil spill disaster.

"We stand on our reputation for scrupulous integrity," said VP Hoyle Slick. "If anyone in Congress doubts that, I have two words for you: Citizens United."

Mr. Slick credited former CEO Richard Cheney for the company’s value system. "Our key operating principle is to ask, ‘What would Dick do?’ So in a big time way, we’re all Dicks."