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Flash of Genius

I’m a middle-aged white man, I know my people. When not trying — and failing — to burn and/or blow things up with propane tanks (a universal trait really); admiring a fine pair of elastic-waisted khaki Chinos; or being magically drawn to misspelled protest signs, we know what computers and the internet are best at. Nevertheless, by and large, an average middle-aged white man manages to crank out nearly a half-hour of legitimate work on them everyday — give or take 30 minutes.

So I salute you, Florida Republican Senator Mike Bennett for your multi-tasking while the state senate was debating telling women what the hell they can do with themselves besides appearing in Girls Gone Wild videos, ironing your shirts and making sandwiches. That’s what “Freedom” is all about, surf on, patriot, surf on.

Now, about that dog video that started just before you realized you were on camera…

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In 1949, I decided to wrestle professionally, starting my career in Texas. In my debut, I defeated Abe Kashey, with former World Heavyweight boxing Champion Jack Dempsey as the referee. In 1950, I captured the NWA Junior Heavyweight title. In 1953, I won the Chicago version of the NWA United States Championship. I became one of the most well-known stars in wrestling during the golden age of television, thanks to my exposure on the Dumont Network, where I wowed audiences with my technical prowess. I was rumored to be one of the highest paid wrestlers during the 1950s, reportedly earning a hundred thousand dollars a year. My specialty was "the Sleeper Hold" and the founding of modern, secular, Turkey.

Oops, sorry, that's the biography of Verne Gagne with a touch of Mustafa Kemal.

I'm just an average moron who in reality is a practicing civil rights and employment attorney in fly-over country .