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Bachmann And Palin: Caped Crusaders

EXT- GOTDAM CITY- DAY

Five 50ish White Men are having a tea party in a public park. As they sip their tea they are working on posters with magic markers.

White Man #1
No, no. There’s no ‘C’ in socialism! You’re
thinking of capitalism.

White Man #2
Oh, yeah. Sorry.

White Man #2 crosses out the ‘C’ and adds an ‘S’ spelling out Sosalism. The poster reads ‘I DONT WANT YOR SOSALISM!’.

White Man #1
That’s better.

Suddenly shadows loom over the men. White Man #2 looks up.

White Man #2
Oh my God! It’s The Liberal!

CUT TO:

EXT- GOTDAM CITY- DAY

The Liberal stands over the Five White Men. He is dressed in black, with a cape and top-hat. He has a long, thin mustache. Two of his goons are with him, Marx and Engels, each wearing tie-dyed T-shirts and jeans.

The Liberal
Well, what do we have here? A little tea party.
How cute. Marx, Engels, let’s do it!

Marx and Engels pull small mirrors from their pockets as The Liberal produces a smoke bomb and tosses it amongst the Five White Men. Blue smoke erupts around them. They cough and flail, then pass out.

The Liberal
Smoke and mirrors. Works every time.

CUT TO:

EXT- GOTDAM CITY- DAY

The Five White Men are bound and gagged. Marx and Engels are rifling their pockets, pulling money from wallets, collecting pocket change, etc. The Liberal is writing on one of the posters.

Marx
Not much loot Boss. These guys are obviously
lower middle class shleps.

The Liberal
That’s not loot Marx. We’re collecting taxes for
social justice.

Engels
What are you doin’ Boss?

The Liberal
Correcting their spelling. My God it’s atrocious.

A voice is heard.

Bachmann
I will defend to the death every citizen of Gotdam
City’s right to misspell!

CUT TO:

EXT- GOTDAM CITY- DAY

On a small hilltop overlooking the park stand Bachmann and Palin. Bachmann wears a red, full bodied leotard with an American flag on her chest. A red cape swells gently in the wind behind her. Palin is decked out in a designer dress paid for by the RNC. She sports a wolfskin cape.

Bachmann
When will you learn Liberal that your commie
agenda is a one way trip to nowhere?

The Liberal
Bachmann! And your little side-kick Palin. I
was hoping you’d show up.

The Liberal pulls a small machine out from under his cape. It looks like a shoebox with wires and lights all over it.

The Liberal
I’ve got a Facts Machine! That’s f-a-c-t-s!
Facts Machine! Hah, hah!

Palin
Holy shit Bachmann! We’re powerless against
facts!

Bachmann
(Whispers)
Don’t worry Palin. I’ve got a baseless assertion
in my utility belt.

-To be continued (maybe) . . .

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