Yes, it’s true- Maine’s favorite Tanzanian Tupperware Salesman and DownEast’s “Prognosticator of Prognostications” has, like a Floridian snowbird, returned to the nest.

Come back to his roots. To Maine. To teach and instruct a whole new batch of fledglings, take them under his wings.

But first, he needed to discuss his ideas and future venture with some friends who could pay him a stipend to deliver his hateful bile help finance his new position.

So, did he visit Family Research Council’s Tony Perkins?

No?

Good friend and fellow AFTAH executive Peter LaBarbera?

No? Then who is writing the checks to keep Mike in cloth coats, anyways?

More below the fold- protect the keyboards! Before we reveal, it needs to be noted that Mike did not make the announcement of his triumphant return via his old stomping grounds, the Maine Family Policy Council.

As much as Mike Hein loves to send the Blend oodles and oodles of email press releases, he and his now relabelled yet AGAIN Christian Civic League, Heath’s old gig, have remained strangely silent on this.

 Nor did the announcement come via the Portland Diocese- odd, considering that Heath and Mutty were on the same side throughout the past year’s Peoples Veto referendum- and Mutty IS the Diocese’s official spokesman.

Well, maybe not… Anyways. Hmm. It is a puzzler.

So without further ado, The Devil Went Down To Georgia, er, Mike Heath went down to Tupelo, Mississippi (didn’t know he was an Elvis fan!)– and made friends with-

Don Wildemon.

Yeah, you read it right! He had to go down to Mississippi, to figure out “Maine Values”!

AFA OF MAINE

In February of 2010, Mike Heath received approval from the American Family Association in Tupelo, Mississippi to create their affiliate here in Maine.  

Heath is no stranger to the people of Maine. As Maine’s most well-known advocate for family values, Heath unapologetically defends Christianity and Western Civilization.  He is deeply concerned with the corrosive effects of the sexual revolution on Maine culture. His signature issue is, and will be for some time, so-called “gay rights.”

Does that mean we can now refer to him as Mike “GAY RIGHTS” Heath?

Continuing:

The people of Maine are renowned for choosing common sense over political correctness. They can easily understand why AFA of Maine advocates removing the phrase “sexual orientation” from Maine’s laws and regulations.  “Sexual orientation” is a term which may have limited value in personal therapy, but the phrase only causes confusion when applied to law and politics.

Heath is adamant that sex outside of marriage is immoral and shameful.  Society upholds the institution of marriage to protect men, women, and children.  Sexual activity is only one small part of marriage; and homosexuality does violence to that institution.

So you’re going to be taking all of the straights who wander outside of marriage to task, right Mike? Are you going to insist on checking on the virginity of every couple getting married before they can be granted a Maine marriage license? You going to work to take away parental rights for couples who create children outside of the bonds of “Holy Matrimony” (TM), right?

Right, Mike?

Moving right along…

AFA of Maine welcomes support from everyone who wants to take a stand for decency, morality, marriage, and the family.  Individuals and organizations interested in working with us should email msheath04358@gmail.com  Check out my website and blog by clicking here.

Where have we seen that hat before… oh YES!

Failed 1996 state representative candidate Elaine Graham, who made such a great impression at last year’s L.D. 1020 Judicial Committee hearing.

As I noted on Facebook the other day, Mike made an error with this sentence:

Heath is no stranger to the people of Maine.

It should read:

To the people of Maine, there are none stranger than Heath.

There! Fixed that right up for ya, Mike! You’re welcome…

And to keep everything really super-duper easy-peasy simple to remember, Mike is using this “msheath04358” handle for his email, Facebook, Twitter, bank accounts… (well, okay- I’m making that last up. I think) and yes, “04358” is indeed his South China (central Maine) zipcode.

But ya gotta admit, it’s easier to remember than Mike Hein’s “Two Fisted Man Of God” handle!

 But considering the confusion with the rotating Maine Family Policy Council/ Christian Civic League labels, maybe Mike’s onto something by utilizing the “KISS” business approach.

A bit of research shows that Wildemon, long a Pam’s House Blend favorite, (or more likely upon his recently announced retirement, his son Tim) is apparently franchising the AFA label, like so many McDonald’s across America.

Goodness, I do hope that the timing of Heath’s visit in February and Don’s retirement a few weeks later aren’t related… Mike tends to make US in Maine quite sick too, so anything is possible, I guess.

So far, 10 startup “Divine Drive-Thrus” are reported:

We currently have AFA State Directors in 10 states. To find the director in your state, click on the map to select a state or choose from the list below.

1. AFA of Alaska

2. Illinois Family Institute

3. AFA of Indiana

4. AFA of Kentucky

5. AFA of Michigan

6. AFA of New Jersey

7. AFA of New York

8. Christian Action League of North Carolina

9. AFA of Pennsylvania

10. West Virginia Family Foundation

Ya want fries with your Eternal Damnation Happy Meal, ma’am? Extra Diablo Sauce for the Christian McNuggets?