Hope you don’t mind me getting all tearful and sad here, but I really do feel the need to share.
Been up to the old folks’ home to say goodbye to granny.
Worst part was that she went totally into denial when I started telling her she was going to be put down.
"What you talking about, Jake?" she says, when I tell her that Obamacare is now the law, and the death panels are going to do away with her. "Nobody going terminate me, just because you and that no-good bitch you married won’t take care of me any more." Yeah, she talks like that. For some reason she never cottoned to Mary-Jane – in fact it was hate at first sight for both of them.
"I’m real sorry, granny", I keep saying. "If we had the money, I’d try to do something. But we got six kids now, and that costs, and besides, there’s no room left in your old house. Anyway, I’m sure they’ll do it real humane, you probably won’t feel a thing. That’s how they do it nowadays, even on death row."
"You been drinking again, Jake?" she says. "You never were the sharpest knife in the drawer, but this time you’re way out beyond left field!"
So I try to explain to granny again how Sarah Palin and all the others on Fox News say that Obamacare means that we have to do away with the old people who can’t afford something called "Cadillac coverage" or something like that, although why you need to get health care for your car I never did quite figure out. But Sarah, she’s a real smart cookie, and she saw through it all – that’s why I like her, real smart and cute too.
And then I noticed that granny has an Obama button lying over on her dresser. "Hell, granny, did you vote for that swindler?" I ask her.
"Of course I did", she says. "I may be old, but I’m not stupid, like certain other people in this room."
So there you have it. I really feel sorry for granny, and I’m going to miss her. But what can I do, I mean, like, she really brought it on herself.
Damn it all. And how am I going to convince Mary-Jane to go to the funeral with me? Damn it all to hell.
Sorry to unload on you all like this …