Spencer Pratt: Stupid Agent Man

Oh wow, now I can rest easier knowing the tewwowists won’t win because the appropriately named Pratt–as in Spencer from “The Hills”–is going to fight the bad guys as a cyber spai! Woot! Maybe he got this idea because the tabloid nickname for him and his wife Heidi Montag Pratt–she of the many and self-praised plastic surgeries–is SPIEDI.

I bet you can even imagine the cute bedtime conversation that prompted Spencer’s career choice.  And now you cannot unthink it, either. Ooops.

Pratt gurbled to People magazine:

I am saddened to take this break from filming MTV’s The Hills. At this time, however I feel I would not be honoring my country or myself if I were to continue this endeavor when I have the opportunity and the ability to assist our nation against these prevalent threats.

Spencie Prattles–who got offered a job by American Defense Enterprises–is even returning to USC, where he liek went once before, but this time to study computer software science which is hard and stuff. There’s calculus, a foreign language and all kinds of computery things about digital logic and probability theories. But before you even get into USC there are the basic academic requirements for admission, aside from being able to pay the approximately $40,000 in tuition, books and fees:

General admission requirements for the undergraduate program are the same as those of the university and the USC Viterbi School of Engineering and include three to five units of mathematics and one unit of science (biology, chemistry or physics) together with satisfactory scores on the Scholastic Aptitude Test and Achievement Tests. The requirement for the degree is 128 units. A cumulative scholarship average of C (2.0) is required for all courses taken at USC as well as for all computer science courses taken in the program.

Spencer is so just being a really good American because Mr. President Obama said that

cyber threat is one of the most serious economic and national security challenges we face as a nation

so Spencer is gonna heed the call and help America face this problem. And maybe stop Nigerian fortune spam too, because seriously those emails take away a lot of America’s productivity time that could be spent online watching elf prawn or shopping for deeply discounted designer handbags.

Oh but wait,wait! Last year Spencer wanted to take poli sci classes and be president of the United States! And as his tweet from July 2009 shows, at least he’s pretty good at math.

In the meantime his wife Heidi Montag Pratt has made the right move in order allow her man to become the next first computer science tewwowist fighting reality star  and youngest president EVAH!  She’s replaced Spencer as her manager–with a psychic.

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Lisa Derrick

Lisa Derrick

Los Angeles native, attended UC Berkeley and Loyola Marymount University before punk rock and logophilia overtook her life. Worked as nightclub columnist, pop culture journalist and was a Hollywood housewife before writing for and editing Sacred History Magazine. Then she discovered the thrill of politics. She also appears frequently on the Dave Fanning Show, one of Ireland's most popular radio broadcasts.