CommunityFDL Main Blog

Happy Valentine’s Day From Your Favorite Republicans

I'm sure this kewpie doll is turning some Republican on right now.

Relying on their puerile judgment, the 13 year-olds running the RNC have designed “Valentine’s Day” cards to send your loved ones from various parties from the Obama Administration and Democratic leadership. Har har har. Look at poor Ben Nelson. Nobody wants to be his valentine. Pshaw. Comedy isn’t hard.

Well, neener neener neener. Never let it be said that some of us here at FDL can’t match the Republicans step for step when it comes to juvenile humor. So in honor of this re. . . um, silly Hallmark holiday, we’ve come up with some Valentine’s Day poems from our favorite Republicans. The poems are loosely organized according to subject. Authorship is noted in parentheses.

As always, feel free to contribute your artistry in the comments!

Generic Republican greeting:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Dems want to kill Grandma
And we do too.  (Eli)

From Sarah Palin to her rabid fan base:

Roses are red
Starbursts are whatever
The day I learn grammar
Will be on the never. (Eli)

My patriotic zeal and cutesy winks
Set Republican pants on fire
You’re all too stupid to know the difference
Between blatant lying and satire. (WT)

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Todd sure is a hunk
I hope Piper never writes a book.
Also. (Eli)

Roses are red
Footballs are brown
I get to take the high road
‘Cuz Trig’s sydrome is Down. (Eli)

Roses are Red
Violets are teh Ghey
If you want me to Speak
Ya gotta Pay and Pay (The Voice from the Other Cubicle)

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I just look at my palm
When I need a cue. (Eli)

From Todd Palin to his fellow con artist wife:

You spawned us four good ones
My soul and status you do lift
I’m loving these silk boxers
You keep working the grift! (WT)

From Sarah to Todd:

Energy, Tax Cuts,
Lift American Spirits
Let Trigg inside (attaturk)

Republican Family Values:

Dear Darlene:
I know that I was unfaithful
And our marriage is on the skids
Can I borrow $100K
To pay off my mistress’ kids?
Love, Senator Ensign (WT)

Dear Gail,
Our union is awesome
You sure married a hunk
Now please delete pictures
Of when I showed kids my junk
Love, Scott [Brown] (attaturk)

Dear Calista,
I’m running in 2012,
So you can stop all the cooking.
I no longer need your services
I need someone better-looking.
Love, Newt (WT)

Dearest Lump,
I’m no longer in Crawford,
I’m no longer in power,
Now Beer me Lump,
Or cigs gone in an hour. (attaturk)

Dear Wendy,
Roses are red,
My love for you is hyper.
I’m sorry again about
That incident with the diaper.
Love, David [Vitter] (WT)

Dear Maria,
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Enough about me,
Let’s talk about you.
How can you live without me?
Love, Mark [Sanford] (WT)

Dear Lynn,
I am pleased with my gift
A new rifle I so like
But I’ll never forgive you
For giving birth to a dyke.
Love, Dick (attaturk)

I was robbed of my beauty queen title
For my family values! It was a miscarriage.
I was smeared by the press because I said
I was in favor of opposite marriage.
Whoopsie, nipple shot!
Love, Carrie (WT)

Previous post

Becker v DC Mass Arrest Class Action Settlement

Next post

Valentine Skulls



NYC-based aquatic feline that likes long walks on the beach, illuminating the hypocrisies of "family values" Republicans, and engaging in snarling snarkitude.