What’s the matter with you, New Yorkers? Did I take your testicles with me when I moved to DC? You’re bitching about the cost of the 9/11 trial? For that, you’re giving up the symbolism of rubbing Khalid Shaikh Mohammed’s face into his crime? What happened to your sense of justice? Where’s your pride? Don’t you want to prove how much stronger you are than al-Qaeda? You want him tried in Virginia or Pennsylvania? I’m disappointed in you.

Listen to the Brudders play Motorhead’s song about them. That was from when New York was so ridiculously real that methed-out bikers from Scotland wrote paeans to how great its champions were. Get back to that. Back to the New York of Bumpy Johnson and Joey Ramone and Robert Moses and Chris Wallace and Bella Abzug and Billy Martin and Dennis Rivera and Lawrence Taylor and Reggie Jackson and John Starks and Big Pun and Johnny Thunders and Charles Oakley. Frankly, if Eliot Spitzer were still governor he’d tell you to stop acting like a bitch.

Spencer Ackerman

Spencer Ackerman

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