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Late Night: God’s Great Design for Sarah Palin

The Passion of the Palin

The Passion of the Palin

From the “NO WAY, GET OUT! Too Shocking and Unbelievable To Be True” files, we hear that Fox News has hired Griftina Fey to “contribute” to its fantasy news programming:

Former Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska has signed on as a contributor to the Fox News Channel.

The network confirmed that Ms. Palin would appear on the network’s programming on a regular basis as part of a multiyear deal. Financial terms were not disclosed.

Ms. Palin will not have her own regular program, one person with knowledge of the deal said, though she will host a series that will run on the network from time to time. This person would not elaborate, but the network does have a precedent for such a series.

Just when you thought that FOX News couldn’t get any more craptastic (or further removed from reality), Roger Ailes hands the Princess of Prevarication the keys to the executive washroom. I eagerly look forward to her upcoming series, “Incomprehensible Word Salad”. I’m sure it’ll make Ionesco at his most absurd read like an Andrew Lloyd Weber libretto.

But it’s all in a day’s work for Palin who, if the McCain campaign veterans are to be believed, insists that her rocketing fameballdom is directly attributable to God’s taking a special interest in her career trajectory:

In an interview with the CBS news magazine “60 Minutes,” Steve Schmidt described Palin as “very calm — nonplussed” after McCain met with her at his Arizona ranch just before putting her on the Republican ticket. . . .

Schmidt said he asked Palin about her serenity in the face of becoming “one of the most famous people in the world.” He quoted her as saying, “It’s God’s plan.”

Here I thought most of God’s time was taken up by plotting the outcome of professional sporting events and decimating large swathes of impoverished, brown-skinned populations with floods, famine and other natural catastrophes. Who knew he was such a pushover for narcissistic, monomaniacal, awful excuses for humanity?

Seems to me like the Vengeful Sky Dude has grown a few utensils short of a place setting, since he now apparently spends most of his day rewarding the unconscionable, hypocritical behavior of the Death Panel Diva and the loose association of fundie nutbags that have co-opted the Republican Party. (See, e.g., Mark Sanford, Masturhiker of the Appalachian Trail, who claimed that his divine status excused his “lapse” in judgment).

The lesson here? Fundie conservatism means divesting yourself of moral responsibility while simultaneously maintaining a shiny veneer of sanctimony, turning a profit, and getting a lucrative job on the teevee! I’m going to have to give it a try sometime. Sure beats an honest day’s work, God help me.

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NYC-based aquatic feline that likes long walks on the beach, illuminating the hypocrisies of "family values" Republicans, and engaging in snarling snarkitude.