‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the House

Not a creature was stirring, not even Wilson the Louse;

The health care bill was sent to the Senate with care,

In hopes that Joe Lieberman soon would be there;

The pages were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of Foley and Vitter danced in their heads;

And Nancy in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap…

More below the fold.

When in the Senate chambers there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and raucus,

I knew in a moment it must be Max Bachus.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;



“Now, Coburn! now, Lindsey! now, Lugar and Boehner!

On, Grassley! on Brownback! on Ensign,  and Vitter!

To the top of the Hill! To the Capitol!

Now vote away! vote away! vote away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of toys, and Michelle Bachmann too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Down the chimney Bachus came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of campaign promises he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes — how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

“Public Option For All, and to all a good-night.”