The mistress of maggotry belches up some hilarious sludge over at The Corner (National Review) Wednesday, sharing her insight on the matter of marriage equality’s inevitability. She boils it down to eight reasons, some so inane and nonsensical that I’m surprise even the NRO folks didn’t do a “WTF?!”

I will leave it to you, creative Blenders, to slice and dice Maggie Gallagher’s NOM batsh*ttery as you do so well…

Maggie’s Top Eight Reasons Why Gay Marriage Is Not Inevitable

1. Nothing is inevitable.

We are talking about the future here. It’s weird to have  “reporting” that something that has not yet happened will certainly happen. The future is never inevitable.

2. Young people are not as unanimous as most people think.

In California, the young-adults vote split 55 percent to 45 percent. Is it so hard to imagine 5 percent of those young people changing their minds as they move through the life cycle?

3. The argument from despair is bait and switch.

They are trying push the idea that gay marriage is inevitable, because they are losing the argument that gay marriage is a good idea.

4.  Progressives are often wrong about the future.

Here’s my personal litany: Progressives told me abortion would be a dead issue by today, because young people in 1975 were so pro-choice. They told me there would be no more homemakers at all by the year 2000, because of the attitudes and values of young women in 1975. Some even told me the Soviet Union was the wave of the future. I mean, really, fool me once shame on you. Fool me over and over again . . . I must be a Republican!

5.  Demography could be destiny.

If there is one force that directly contradicts the inevitability argument, it is that traditionalists have more children. Preventing schools and media from corrupting those children is a problem, but not necessarily an insoluable one. Religous groups are increasingly focused on the problem of how to transmit a marriage culture to the next generation (see the USCCB’s recent initiatives).

Screeeeech! All right, forget the last three (feel free to click over to read the rest), let’s back that sh*t up. Maggie just said that “traditionalists” (i.e., bible beaters, wingnuts, teabaggers, etc.) need to toss away the birth control (you know they use it), and screw like rabbits and shoot out them young’uns to stop TEH GAYZ from heading to the justice of the peace for a marriage license.

Is she serious? Is this any kind of reality-based plan — to encourage Duggar-like spermination to save marriage? Ha! Unfortunately, while Maggie may think homos are made, not born, all this over-procreating is only going to do is increase the odds that every fundie family will raise a fag- or dyke-in-waiting, eventually coming out and giving these moms and pops the need for a fainting couch on National Coming Out Day.

Pam Spaulding

Pam Spaulding