Late Night: The Great Muppet Menace, Or, Ten Tiny Trotskys on the Telephone Talking about DESTROYING AMERICA
Many threats threaten America with their threatening threatiness. Terrorism. Socialism. Cooties. Sesame Street.
The Children’s Television Workshop? THE CHILDREN’S COMMUNISM FUCK-YOU-UNCLE-SAM-SHOP. Read this very important blog post and be afraid. Pee yourself. In FEAR!
Wait… I said in FEAR! Not in LAUGHTER! Whatever is WRONG with you? STOP LAUGHING!
Add one more soldier to the Left’s war on Fox News: Oscar the Grouch.
Oscar the Grouch: urban. Proud of living alternative lifestyle (in garbage can). Muppet of color (green). Bad attitude. Traitor to all we hold dear.
Last week, in a re-broadcast of an episode that originally aired two years ago, Oscar starts his own news network, GNN (Grouchy News Network). An irate viewer calls in to berate him that the news is not grouchy enough:
“I am changing the channel. From now on I am watching ‘Pox’ News. Now there is a trashy news show.”
If Mom and Dad watch cable news, it’s better than 50/50 they watch “POX News.” So what gives? PBS — a network partially funded with my tax dollars — has the right to tell my kids that their parents watch “trashy” news? The message is clear, I can’t even sit my kids in front of “Sesame Street” without having to worry about the Left attempting to undermine my authority. And don’t tell me, “If you don’t like it change the channel.” There are no channels left! It’s everywhere. Just last week I had Obama’s service and volunteerism promoted on every single major network, including Disney and Nickelodeon.
…by the way, why SHOULD I change the channel? This is MY channel, I’m paying for it!
If the Gulag Archipelago were to have been Twittered, it would have been so profound.
But it gets profounder!
Irony is a wonderful thing. Just as the Left elected the perfect Propagandist-in-Chief, their opposition (you and me) got wise, agile and pretty entertaining. With every lame attempt to turn our kids against us, we now call them on it and point out how ham-fisted, clumsy and square they are. The Left’s worst nightmare came true: The conservatives are the hip ones.
“Sesame Street” can awkwardly slam FoxNews from the comfort of their stodgy old PBS studios… Meanwhile, we have the cool kids on our side: Dennis Miller, Greg Gutfeld, Andrew Breitbart and yes, even Glenn Beck. And our cool kids are pointing out just how boring, lame, predictable and lazy the other side has become. No longer will middle-America sit back and feel powerless as these snobs pass judgment on what we find to be informative and entertaining.
We no longer NEED their approval. We see them for what they are: bitter, pompous and desperate.
So. Um. We have Oscar the Grouch.
They have Dennis Miller.
I’m not complaining.
Why would I? I’m way ahead…