When most people think about Halloween, they probably think about candy, trick or treating, and kids having fun.  Most people are unaware of the very real dangers lurking beneath all the candy corn and peanut butter cups.  Fortunately, Pat Robertson’s Christian Broadcasting Network is on the case.   CBN posted a piece called The Danger of Celebrating Halloween (CBN seems to have taken down the post after several observers took note of its stark, raving madness, but you can still view the cached version here).

Kimberly Daniels, the author of the piece, explains that Halloween may seem like fun, but it is actually a front for something very sinister.  It is an unholy day "dedicated to celebrating the demonic trinity of the Luciferian Spirit…the Antichrist spirit…and the spirit of Beliai."  Sure, you’re saying, I knew that.  But did you realize that the real danger of Halloween isn’t in the scary Harry Potter costumes and Bernie Madoff masks we see, but in the "secret, wicked, cruel activities that go on beyond the scenes" including: sex with demons, orgies between animals and humans, as well as animal and human sacrifices?

You see, Daniels tells us, "the key word in discussing Halloween is "dedicated".  It is dedicated to darkness and it is an accursed season.  During Halloween, time-released curses are always loosed.  A time-released curse is a period that has been set aside to release demonic activity and and to ensnare souls in great measure."

When it comes to Halloween, you can’t be too careful.  Daniels observes that "even the colors of Halloween, orange, brown, and dark red [wait, aren’t Halloween colors orange and black…never mind, she’s on a roll]  are dedicated.  These colors are connected to the fall equinox…sometimes called "Mabon."  During this season, witches are celebrating the changing of the seasons…they give praise to the gods for the demonic harvest."  At this time of year, witches are busy, for, as you may know "most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches."  (well, that would explain the unholy way in which Charleston Chew candy bars stick to my teeth).

The Rev. Barry Lynn of Americans United for Separation of Church and State noted that "I’ve heard of the devil being in the details, but to think he’s lurking inside a Snickers bar is a bit too much…Pat Robertson has always peddled some scary stuff, but this is over the top."

I agree.  This all sounds like something from a satirical article in The Onion (though it seems completely legit — when not writing informative pieces about Halloween, Kimberly Daniels tours the country in a 30-foot Winnebago dubbed the "Demon Buster") , but there are some serious points here.  CBN is Pat Robertson’s network.  Robertson sought the Republican presidential nomination in 1988, and did pretty well, with a strong second place showing in the Iowa caucuses (ahead of George H.W. Bush, who ultimately won the nomination and the presidency).  Robertson remains a player in Republican politics–contenders for the 2008 presidential nomination sought Robertson’s endorsement  (it ultimately went to Giuliani).  CBN even opened a university–Regent University was originally called Christian Broadcasting Network University.

CBN’s illuminating, though short-lived, post offers us further insight into where today’s right wing stands–finely attuned to the dangers of death panels, socialism,  and, now, candy cursed by witches.  I was going to put on a costume myself tonight, but I may have to re-think that.