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Mickey and Adolf: My 60 Seconds with Newsweek Magazine

I keep a feed from Newsweek at the bottom of my Google homepage because of eternal gratitude to Evan Thomas, who interrupted a Reagan praise-fest on Meet the Press once upon a time with the observation that Reagan would have been impeached for Iran/Contra, except that everybody thought he was senile.


Today the top three stories for Newsweek online are…

1. Anna Quindlen says Obama broke all his campaign promises “to tackle the big stuff” because in Washington “very little of the big stuff gets done. It simply can’t.”

Obviously the half-witted Ms. Quindlen never heard of Abraham Lincoln, FDR, LBJ, Ronald Reagan, or Newt Gingrich, and thinks $23.7 trillion in guarantees for criminal bankers is “small stuff.”

On to the next story! (Elapsed time: 30 seconds)

2. “How Will Michelle Obama Make Her Mark?”

Who gives a fuck? (Elapsed time: 5 seconds)

3.”Like Mussolini and Stalin before him, Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez has erected his very own movie studio.”

Chavez and Stalin? What next?

Mickey Mouse and Hitler! They were both in the movies!

(Elapsed time: 25 seconds)

And that was my minute with Newsweek Magazine.

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Jacob Freeze

Jacob Freeze

I'm a painter and photographer who supplements his meager income by hurling rotten fruit and screaming "Welcome to the Bu!" at the Humvees of hedge-fund managers and their nightmare spawn who get stuck in the ridiculously narrow drive-through at McDonald's in Malibu. They inevitably poop their pants and abandon the vehicle, which I subsequently strip and sell for parts, and that is how I can afford to live in Malibu.