A pulsating black hole of stupidity threatened to suck St. Louis into its gaping maw last weekend. While Missouri residents narrowly escaped certain death by dumbness when the How to Take Back America conference convened at the Hilton, conference attendees happily wallowed in the muck of ignorant vitriol and conspiracy theories spewed by a panoply of Eagle Forum "speakers", including Zombie Phyllis Schlafly, Michele "I Kissed Killed a Census Worker" Bachmann, and Steve "Idiot" King (R-IA).

It’s not entirely clear what the purpose of this convention was other than to kick off the new season of gay-bashing, Obama-bashing, health care reform-bashing, feminist-bashing and illegal immigrant-bashing. Y’know – just another day at the office for the conservative howler monkeys.

Other speakers at the conservative feeding frenzy included General William Boykin, who appears to be a one-trick pony at this point:

"You need to ask yourself, ‘What price am I willing to pay?," Boykin told the audience. "What are you prepared to give up for America? Are you willing to pay the ultimate price?"

Boykin warned that "there is no greater threat to America than Islam" and asked patriotic Americans to get educated, get involved and pray.

Great. Because if it’s one thing the bugfuck crazies on the Right need is more encouragement to engage in anti-Muslim hysteria.

But the hero of this gathering of delusional troglodytes was not Joe the Plumber, who was awarded a Golden Plunger (erm . . . no comment) for his 15 minutes of fame, or Mike Huckabee, who advocated setting the United Nations adrift in the East River. No, the real hero of the conference was Kitty Werthmann, an 86 year-old Austrian expatriate who heads up the South Dakota chapter of the Eagle Forum. Lecturing on "How to Recognize Living Under Nazis and Communists", Ms. Werthmann tapped into the poisonous wellspring of the Republican zeitgeist — drawing illogical comparisons between President Obama to Adolf Hitler.

“What would you suggest we do,” asked one activist, “if we are asked to give up our guns?”

“Don’t you dare give up your guns!” thundered Werthmann. “Never, never, never!”

Give them back one bullet at a time!” called out another activist. The tense atmosphere melted a little bit; the room broke up with laughter.

Given that Facebook just today removed a poll asking whether Obama should be killed, this kind of heated militant rhetoric is exceedingly disturbing. And really, not very funny at all.

If ignorance is bliss, why are these people so unhappy?



NYC-based aquatic feline that likes long walks on the beach, illuminating the hypocrisies of "family values" Republicans, and engaging in snarling snarkitude.