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Late Night: The Babble Phlegm of the Wingnut Republic; OR, What’s a Half a Million or So, Give or Take?



HIC. So at least 305 MILLION AMERICAN PATRIOTS marched on Washington DC today, which, if you can do the math, libtard swine, is a solid majority of all Americans, each of them patriotically devoted and dedicated to the deeply American idea that just because a guy gets more votes than the other guy, he doesn’t deserve to be president if some Baby-Finster-faced freak from Fox News decides he’s a commie. Glenn Beck uses blackboards, you know, so he clearly has his Facts Down Cold.*

ILLE. Gracious! What a turnout! … But I gotta say, if there were that many people all converging on DC, wouldn’t there be all sorts of stories about transportation delays, snarls in the hubs, and so forth? Obama’s inauguration had about 1.8 million, and that was a logistical nightmare! How on earth could they have gotten far, far more than that without massive disruptions that would, obviously, have been news events in and of themselves?

HIC. Oh, all right, maybe there weren’t exactly 305 MILLION AMERICAN PATRIOTS there, but as the always reliable, fact-checking ass Michelle Malkin reports, there were at least TWO MILLION AMERICAN PATRIOTS in attendance. And that is a SOLID FIGURE, one that was — wait for it — broken by the MAINSTREAM MEDIA, and since they must have totally hated to report such an awesome figure, it must have really chafed their Trotsky Underoos:

12:34pm Eastern: Police estimate 1.2 million in attendance. ABC News reporting crowd at 2 million — tweets Tabitha Hale from D.C.

Teeny, tiny fringe, huh?

WOW! WHAT A TURNOUT! And note how I use capital letters and italics! How could you possibly FAIL to be CONVINCED!!!???

ILLE. Uh, okay. Interesting. But then how come, like, ABC news is now "officially" only approximating 60-70 thousand?

HIC. AHEM! What you seem unable to comprehend, ILLE, if that is your real name, is that the two million figure came from the Twitter feed of a someone who advertises themselves as a Smart Person. THIS MUST BE DEFINITIVE. As this person now says of the ABC "estimate,"

Its Park Service, I misspoke. They told me on site it was 1.5. There are a ton of #s floating around.


The 2 mil # was an estim from ABC. The 1.2 mil came from Metro police. 1.5 mil from Parks & Rec. There’s no official count yet.

So there you have it.

ILLE. But, huh, what? That’s stupid and insane. Everybody who follows DC protests knows that after the Million Man March controversy, neither the Park Service nor the DC police, nor any other agency, EVER DOES CROWD NUMBER ESTIMATES. Everyone fucking knows that. There’s no such thing anymore as an "official count." I mean, pull the other one. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Could you even try to come up with something plausible before you start with this kind of bullshit? Don’t you know that people will see through you like grandma’s underpants?

HIC. Er, uh… TAKE THAT, libtards!

Conservative activists, who organized a march on the U.S. Capitol today in protest of the Obama administration’s health care agenda and government spending, erroneously attributed reports on the size of the crowds to ABC News.

Matt Kibbe, president of FreedomWorks, the group that organized the event, said on stage at the rally that ABC News was reporting that 1 million to 1.5 million people were in attendance.

ILLE. FreedomWorks, eh? Gosh, this sure gives me reason to doubt someone associated with them won’t at some point be doing time for filing a false bomb report, which I think is a felony…

HIC. Click. [Dialtone]

* I don’t know who did the video at that link, but it’s pretty great.

UPDATE. Glenn Reynolds, putz.

HEADLINE: Up to two million march to US Capitol to protest against Obama’s spending in ‘tea-party’ demonstration.

So maybe I was wrong to be so skeptical. But cut it in half and it’s still a huge number.

A number that was horseshit. But here’s where it gets REALLY good. Glenn Reynolds:

Meanwhile, a reader emails: “I’ll tell you what I find impressive. I’m watching the Fox news video about 15 minutes after the end of the event. The crowd has thinned out enough that you can see the ground and there is not a speck of trash on the grass. Absolutely clean. To contrast, google ‘pictures of litter on the mall after the inauguration.’”

Funny. Until the absurd lying about the head count took precedence, I was going to use the picture below as the image for the post. It was taken by our FDL photog at the scene. No doubt John Galt would have tidied up if he hadn’t a speech to bore us with. INSTY FAIL.


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A community college professor from upstate NY. My wife & I have 347 children, all of them rotten.