Roll Over, John Phillip Sousa

Oh Wingnuttia, is there anything you won’t bitch about?

If you’ve ever been stuck on hold with a congressional office in the past, at least you’ve been able to enjoy some good patriotic music, as opposed to the lilting tones of generic smooth jazz that have been driving elevator users insane for decades. For years, congressional offices have played patriotic anthems as the background music during hold times.

Not any more. After we were startled by the hold music when we called a House office recently, sources on Capitol Hill informed us this week that the Democratic House leadership has made a sweeping decision that congressional offices now have the options of “smooth jazz” elevator music or no music at all.

I’ll be the first to admit that "smooth jazz" blows like Kenny G, but ‘hold’ music should have, at the very least,  either minimal entertainment value or soothing qualities to make you forget that you’re on hold. These are not attributes I associate with patriotic music. Then again, I’m not one to put it on the speaker phone and march about the room in my underwear, so your mileage may vary.

I suggest a compromise:

If a libertarian ever wins an election, they can always petition for Red Barchetta which is like I Can’t Drive 55, only stupider.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....