I’m trying to understand what the Birthers want to accomplish. Sure, they want to prove that Barack Kenyatta X is not the legitimate president. But where does their super-secret planning take them then? When Orly Taitz whines to David Shuster that Lou Dobbs sidekick Kitty Pilgrim didn’t give her enough time to make her point, I still wonder: what point, exactly? I mean, what is the desired outcome?

Now, I don’t mean to validate any Birther claims by exploring the path they’d take us down. It’s all nonsense, pure and simple, recent signup by Oklahoma GOP Congressman John Sullivan notwithstanding. But what does their America look like?

I gotta ask: where they goin’ with this, exactly? I mean, have they thought this through? Sure, they’ve probably dreamed up some magnificent ceremony, just like in the 1960s teevee show Branded. They’ll strip the emoluments of office from The Illegitimate One, seize his tax-funded Doral Lights, make Michelle dig up her organic White House garden, and tell Sasha and Malia to return their Paris souvenirs. Orly Taitz can take her dentist’s drill to the swingset. Bo gets crated up and shipped to Martha’s Vineyard. J Crew catalogs with "1600 Pennsylvania Ave" on the mailing label get shredded. Mrs Robinson catches a Greyhound back to Chi-town.

But they can’t possibly accept Amtrak Joe as our President, then, can they? I mean, he ran with the Kenyan/Australian/Canadian/Hawaiian on the Democratic party ticket, which makes his selection as Veep suspect, right? If the Birthers are trying to undo the effect of the Blackistan presidency, Joe the Gaffer’s got to go, too. He couldn’t see through the obvious Obamanation fraud, so America can’t trust him against al Qaida and The Evildoers.

Which leaves the Birthers, I’m afraid, with the ultimate truth of Truman Capote’s favorite homily, "More tears shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones:"

PRESIDENT NANCY PELOSI

And all the Birthers’ lovely Xtianist children will be converted to bondage enthusiasts, gay-married to an illegal alien abortionist stoner in a pagan ritual, and blood-sacrificed on a single-payer altar/gurney.

So why don’t they leave well enough alone?