Tappering the keg

Official serious journalist look

With their uncanny ability to elevate the trivial to the earth-shattering, all media eyes were on the Beer Yalta today as the EmmEssEmm sent their best and their brightest to cover it.

As Kevin Drum points out, the New York Times sent three (3) (thuh-ree) reporters to cover it lest something important happen that one reporter might miss while going to take a pee because, you know…. beer. Here is what you didn’t miss:

Helene Cooper: During the brief time that the press could watch the goings-on, Mr. Biden leaned across the table towards Sgt. Crowley and said something. At another point, Sgt. Crowley gesturing with his hands, said something to Professor Gates.

Then Professor Gates started beating on Crowley on the back of his head with a 40 of Colt 45 while screaming "Straight outta Cambridge, crazy motherfucker named Skip Gates. From the gang called Niggaz With PhDs. You too boy if ya fuck with me, the prez is gonna hafta come and get me off yo ass, cuz that’s how I’m goin out. For the punk motherfuckers that’s showin me out… of my university provided pied-à-terre."

… or at least that’s what it looked and sounded like from a distance.

Maybe for a better take we should turn to ABC’s Jake Tapper who was also covering the event because, when America wants straight talk, they turn to " the one guy that’s outside of the butt boy bubble in the White House press room."

Hit it, Tap-man:

President Obama and Vice President Biden appeared to be doing what they could to keep the mood light, wearing just shirt sleeves and appearing more relaxed than the professor and the policeman, who were in suits and more rigid.

In the less than two minutes that we were out there, Professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Sgt. Jim Crowley did almost all of the talking. It didn’t appear chummy, but then again Gates has said Crowley racially profiled him, falsified a police report about him, and owes him an apology. Crowley says he did nothing wrong, resents being portrayed as a racist, and has said he came here with the understanding that he and Gates had agreed to disagree.

So one might not expect them to be re-enacting a Lowenbrau commercial.

[Insert youtube video to illustrate that Tapper isn’t part of the "bubble" but is, instead, "down" with whimsical cultural references unlike that walking has-been, Sam Donaldson. Douchebag.]

The President and Vice President spent much of the time we were out there snacking on the peanuts and pretzels on the table. In frosty mugs, the four men had their beers of choice. For the president it was Bud Light, a beer company once headquartered in swing state Missouri now owned by a Belgian conglomerate.)Vice President Biden, who doesn’t drink alcoholic beverages, had a non-alcoholic Buckler, brewed by Dutch Heineken. Crowley had a Blue Moon Ale, brewed by Toronto, Canada’s Molson Coors Brewing Company. Gates opted for a Sam Adams Light – the only truly American beer in the lot.

Which is to say that outside of Gates, the other three were probably not born in the United States and now we’re going to have to see their birth certificates. Sorry. Those are the new rules.

Also. After Crowley and Biden left the White House to go do whatever white people do on Thursday nights besides post pictures of their bassets online, Barack Obama and Henry Gates went back inside the White House for a chat with mutual friends and immediate family.

ABC only wishes they had this exclusive footage…

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....