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Now that Michael Jackson’s kitschy puke-fest of a memorial ceremony has mercifully disappeared from the airwaves (but not the internet!), I can hardly wait for the next tribute to another great "Michael" from the musical Eighties…

George Michael!

Maybe the next gang of selfless producers can get the Mormon Tabernacle Choir to cover "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" with lachymose putti floating above a vast audience at Disney World, and a tastefully animated but gigantic statue of the Madonna weeping tears of blood…

Boo Hoo!!!

Jacob Freeze

Jacob Freeze

I'm a painter and photographer who supplements his meager income by hurling rotten fruit and screaming "Welcome to the Bu!" at the Humvees of hedge-fund managers and their nightmare spawn who get stuck in the ridiculously narrow drive-through at McDonald's in Malibu. They inevitably poop their pants and abandon the vehicle, which I subsequently strip and sell for parts, and that is how I can afford to live in Malibu.

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