Health Care Alert! CDC Says New Virus Turns Republicans Into TakeOver Zombies!
The Center for Disease Control today issued a national health care alert, Code Red, informing parents to warn their children away from watching Republicans talk about health care issues.
The CDC cautioned that virtually all Republican Congresscritters are exhibiting symptoms of zombie-like behavior, with rapid deterioration of the brain functions that control honesty, empathy and common sense. Irrational fears of imaginary horrors follow, the CDC explained, and may in some cases lead to intellectual paralysis.
The CDC first noted a series of common talking point patterns developing among elected Republican offials. It is now trying to confirm whether the disease spreads through enclosed communication systems or is more a product of insufficient moral education.
Two original carriers are believed to be these men. But CDC has since confirmed that the virus can spread through listening to incredibly bad advice or through group behavior exhibiting spinelessness. The virus may even be carried by those who are not themselves infected although it is more likely to be spread by those already seriously infected by corruption.
In the meantime, CDC warns parents to talk to their children about watching Fox News, Morning Joe or any of the other common avenues frequented by Republicans for spreading disinformation.
Warning: Some of the images depicted here are graphic and may not be suitable for children.
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