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Late Night: “Git off, Pa, Yer Crushin’ Mah Marlboros!”

“Ah vote Republican.”

My word, the Southern G.O.P., so quick to cast the racist aspersions, is certainly living up to its own "inbred cracker" stereotype. Within a scant 24 hours, three knuckle-dragging, pea-brained idiots have been busted on the interwebs for making incredibly offensive comments about the President and his wife. 

First prize definitely goes to South Carolinian GOP operative "Rusty" DePass, who used Facebook to liken Michelle Obama to an escaped gorilla. Tennessee countered with an ironically named, morally delayed legislative staffer for State Senator Diane Black (, by the way) who "accidentally" emailed a photo collage depicting President Obama as a pair of eyes on a black background to a whole lotta people on the "wrong" list (who’s on the "right" one, I wonder).  Lest it let Tennessee get the better of it, South Carolina rebounded and scored, assuring the state would be awarded the "Ground Zero for Bigoted Bubbas" prize when another GOP operative was pressed to recall if he’d blogged a racist joke about the President on Twitter.

When confronted with hard evidence of their overt racism, these soulless bigots offered very weak cups of tea in lieu of apologies.

Now that I’m done banging my forehead on my desk, I’m going to be generous and pass on some advice the Republican Party would be wise to heed, if it doesn’t want to go the way of the mastodon . . . or the Whigs:

First:  There are no qualifications in apologies. Do not preface your apology with "if anyone was offended".  People WERE offended, which is why you’re being forced to apologize. I understand that this concept requires a level of morality beyond your pre-conventional, Stage Two cognitive development, but given the past eight years, that appears to be a mighty big demand for Republicans in general. 

Second:  Stay far, far away from modern communications technology until you’ve proven to the world that (1) you understand that whatever you "say" on the intertubes is there forever, and (2) you have the emotional and intellectual capacity to comprehend why your jokes aren’t funny. Unless, of course, you enjoy giving people like me more material to poke at you with.


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NYC-based aquatic feline that likes long walks on the beach, illuminating the hypocrisies of "family values" Republicans, and engaging in snarling snarkitude.