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Need some input from the people here at the Blend — about family and holiday dinners

2 Update Below the Fold, 4:15 pm and 11:20 pm est 12:30 am est, their letter.

If your parents invited you to join them for a holiday dinner, but gave you the following conditions, how would you react?  The reason I am asking is my sister and I had a discussion regarding a situation that occurred last Christmas.

 Jeffery and his partner Alex were invited to the family’s home.  They were not to announce they were gay as there where many from the family and extended family that do not approve of being gay. Jeffery’s parents know he is gay and really don’t approve, but they try to make him feel welcome in their home.  Generally Alex and Jeffery can sit next to each other, share a thank you hug together when they open the others gift.  But this time with the large gathering they were asked to keep their life a secret, and Alex was going to be introduced as a friend from college.

Continued after the jump,  Jeffery and Alex have been together for 4 years.  The Christmas before was the first they shared at Jeffery’s parents house, and like I said, Jeffery’s parents tried to make them as comfortable as possible.  Jeffery and Alex were the only guests as well last year.

 Jeffery and Alex refused to go this past year because they had to closet themselves and basically lie about who they are.

 I agree with their decision not to be there.  My sister says they should have shown up, stuck it out for the day.

 Please share your opinions regarding this. If you need more information, please ask.  I plan to share this with my sister who will share this with Jeffery’s parents.

 Thank you.

Update 4:15 pm est

Jerrery is out to his family, two sisters and one brother.  They have not told their spouses.  He decided to tell his family members and leave it up to them to tell the rest.

Thank you Pam for putting this on the Front Page, and thank you Blenders for contributing.

Update #2  11:20 pm est Jeffery’s parents knew he was gay when he came out at the age of 17.  He is 26 now and his partner is 28.  They met in college when Jeffery was a sophomore.  

Personal note.  I met Jeffery and Alex just under 2 years ago at a pride event in Tampa a few months before I left Florida.  His parents live around the corner from my sister in the Orlando area.  They live in Tampa.  I sent them an E mail letting them know I posted this.  Alex sent me a brief message letting me know he would either post here or send me an E mail to post.

Again, Thank you all for commenting.  I hope this is not only helpful to Jeffery and Alex, but other people as well.

Update 12:30am

 I just received a lengthy E mail with this separate to post.  

Hi All,

 Thank you for your comments and suggestions.  Barb forgot to mention that we let my mom and dad know why we were not showing up.  Alex’s family is very accepting.  Also, we met Barb at pride in Tampa but we didn’t put it together that my mom and dad lived close to Barb’s sister until a few months ago, small world.  Barb’s sister is trying to help but she just doesn’t get how hurtful this can be.

 As many of you have wrote, it was not only insulting, but very painful as I believed my family was very close.  My parents kept hoping something would change as I never brought a boyfriend to their home before.  Our first Christmas together we spent Christmas Eve together and then went to our own family’s homes for Christmas Day and then returned back to our apartment later that evening.  The second we went to Alex’s parents home and then I went to my parent’s place for a few hours alone.  What makes all this difficult is my sister’s husband has a problem and it is Alex and I that have to act differently and my mom decided it was better to please her and her family then her own son.  Family is very important to both of us but we have committed to each other and we will not bend.  We are hoping that come next year all this can be resolved and we are grateful that Barb thought of putting this out for all to comment on.  At the same time it is upsetting to see how wide spread this issue is.

Thank you to everyone and we wish all of you the best,

Jeffery and Alex.

I will tell you the whole letter was a tear jerker.  It made me feel much more thankful that I had accepting parents.  These kind of stories make me ill, but I am well aware that it happens all the time.

Here was the end of the letter,

Thanks Barb for all of your help.  You and your family are true friends.  If you ever decide to come back to Tampa and visit you are always welcome to stay at our place.  

Love always, Blessed be,

Jeffery and Alex.

Thank you Pam for allowing me to use your Coffee House for this.


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