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On the 10th Anniversary of Columbine, Ted Nugent Recommends More Guns

This just in: US News & World Report is officially giving plumb op-ed assignments to crazy people.

Water, water, everywhere water. Know it, embrace it, manage it, or drown. Same goes for cars, trucks, chainsaws, knives, crowbars, blowtorches, and guns. Based on the inept, clumsy, irresponsible failure of brain-dead, uncoordinated numbnuts, I will not be denied the pragmatic, functional utility of anything.

"Water, water, everywhere water"? 

Leaving that aside, I have to say, I’m with Ted on the cars and the blowtorches — the uncoordinated numbnuts are indeed a problem with those. But with guns, I’m far more worried about the coordinated numbnuts. Like, for instance, Harris and Klebold or Charles Whitman

I need my water, cars, trucks, chainsaws, knives, crowbars, blowtorches, and guns. I have mastered them all; they are all wonderful ingredients for my American Dream of rugged individualism, declared independence, and self-sufficiency. They all serve me well, and I am not giving any of them up. Ever.

The masses must never be controlled for the sake of the lunatic fringe. Remember "Don’t Tread on Me"? Don’t.

Again with the water. How does one "master" it exactly?

Now I’m sure it’s because I’m a weak, half-man sissyboy, but I must confess that my American Dream doesn’t include "chainsaws, knives, crowbars or blowtorches." Sounds more like a Saw movie. But where are you going with all of this, Ted?

Where there are more guns per capita, violent crime goes down, particularly crimes of assault, like rape, burglary, and robbery. This is good.

This is also wrong. Japan has the strictest gun laws among advanced democracies and one of the lowest homicide rates in the world. The United States, in contrast, has way more guns per capita than any other nation and one of the highest homicide rates among advanced democracies.

I guess since Iraq currently leads the world in homicides, all that’s needed there is more guns, right?

Wingnuts, wingnuts, everywhere wingnuts.

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