It’s Only Torture If You Admit It
Hey, everybody! Turns out the Bush administration really didn’t torture anybody, just like they said all along! And the OLC memos prove it! Fox News has the scoop:
David Rivkin, a constitutional lawyer and member of the Council on Foreign Relations, released a statement Friday saying the release of four memos provides a "great benefit" to the former president.
"This data is analyzed in great detail to establish that the use of these techniques does not inflict either physical or psychological damage," said Rivkin, who served in the administrations of Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush. "The conclusions (the) memos reach — that the specific interrogation techniques used by the CIA did not constitute torture — are eminently reasonable."
Rivkin argued that the documents were "well-written" and featured "careful and nuanced legal analysis." He said the United States did not use "brute force" and the memos prove detainees weren’t tortured.
"In short, these memos go a long way towards rebutting shrill and unfair attacks on the integrity of Bush administration officials, and, more generally, on America’s honor," he said.
Well, hey, if the memos say that sleep deprivation, stress positions, waterboarding, and mind games involving insects are all good, clean, harmless totally-not-torture, that’s good enough for me! I mean, when have the Bushies ever been self-servingly wrong about anything? And when have conservatives ever been willing to just uncritically take them at their word?
In case you’re curious about "high-profile attorney" and "constitutional lawyer" David Rivkin, here are some highlights from his illustrious lawpundit career:
- Declared EFCA unconstitutional because it abolishes the First Amendment right to free and anonymous speech. Or something.
- Described the Supreme Court’s decision to restore habeas corpus to Gitmo detainees as "one of the worst decisions by the Supreme Court I’ve ever read, on par with Dred Scott decisions and Plessy v. Ferguson."
- Argued that any congressional attempt to investigate the Bush administration’s crimes would be nothing more than a partisan witch hunt against political opponents.
- Called Pat Fitzgerald a "prosecutor who’s out of control" and claimed that "[Bill Clinton] was convicted. He was not punished." (Oh yeah, he’s a real legal scholar, all right.)
This guy is clearly both brilliant and impartial. For a second there, I thought maybe Fox News was quoting some kind of dishonest Republican hack, but when has that ever happened?