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BREAKING: CPAC Convention-Goers Smear Selves with Excrement, Garbage, Congratulate Selves on Smelling Like Roses

CPAC is over, and wow, did the inmates ever have a fine ol’ time flinging the poo. Coulter! Limbaugh! Shriek! Fart! Gibber! Screech! Jump back! Scratch yourself!

You can find all the video of the degenerate proceedings you could ever possibly wish for over here. You don’t have to watch all that much of it — a little bit of this shit goes a long way, believe me. But do sample something, just to be polite. Here, for instance, is Rush Limbaugh making fun of people he dislikes by doing an amusing "castrati" impression, wherein he adopts a "gay" voice and flounces about in an effeminate fashion. Delicious! (I shit you not, he really does this. Shoot me…)

What’s astonishing about this hackneyed crap is that nobody in the audience seems embarrassed by any of it, though by any rational standard, it’s very difficult to watch a minute of it without wanting to kill yourself. Here, look at this fanboy liveblogging from Erick Erickson, a founder of Red State and, it would appear, a prepubescent cretin: "Oh, and if God smiles on me today, I’ll get to meet Rush." Squeal!

I could I suppose go through the various speeches and expose the individual idiocies, but you know, who has the time? Let’s just focus instead on the clear fact that the Conservative Movement has decided its standard bearer ought to be a junkie sex tourist whose shtick heavily depends upon inane homophobia and childish "masculine" posturing. It’s not even worth being offended by this horseshit. Brand new, you’re retro, you know? Its a joke. And that’s why "conservatism" is a joke — "conservatives" keep serving up the punchlines. And nobody’s laughing. And it’s not working.

Let me show you in microcosm why "conservatism" is dead as a fucknail. Here is a snippet from the talk given by the very ridiculous Ann Coulter, whose act is tired, and hateful, and grotesque, and, most of all, over. I’ve taken it from Erickson’s sniveling liveblog. I submit that this is all you need to know about "conservatism" in its current incarnation. Coulter:

I’ve bee[n] watching the MSNBC coverage of CPAC. Is there any other network where you know every host was at the alternative prom?

Got that? All the hosts at MSNBC are fags! Or dykes! HAHAHAHAHA!

Look, this is a shot at Rachel Maddow, obviously, unless she means that Joe Scarborough is a lesbian, or something. It’s not subtle, but it is adolescent, absurd — and humiliating: for Coulter.

If we want to boil it down, let’s say The Left has Rachel Maddow. And let’s say The Right has Ann Coulter.

Game over, man, game over.

Seriously. GAME OVER.

Game. Over.

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A community college professor from upstate NY. My wife & I have 347 children, all of them rotten.