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BREAKING: Obama Set to Declare Totalitarianism, Leading Right Wing Morons Agree

Omigod the moustache

Leading right-wing morons agree: Barack Obama’s presidency is indistinguishable from a totalitarian dictatorship. So perfidious is this man that he even now plots to impose sweeping imaginary laws in order to silence conservatives from speaking out against the other sweeping imaginary laws he plots to impose. Top Political Scientists call this the "tyranny of the subjunctive," and all citizens ought to fear it, as it were.

But the atrocities the Obama regime has already perpetrated are already atrocious. Liberal strongholds such as Oklahoma City have made it illegal to criticize the president, and those who protest have been subject to cruel repercussions such as having their bumperstickers returned to them by law enforcement officials. Such an attitude towards lawful protest is an alarming new development and entirely unprecedented in its alarming unprecedentedness for which, alarmingly, there is no precedent. How alarming!

And it gets alarminger.

The "Porkulus" plan utterly proves that Obama is a total fascist. Opinions differ as to whether or not he will enslave us all slowly, much like we seduce lobsters, or quickly, by forcing brave GOP governors to accept federal money to address the crushing unemployment in their states by threatening them with certain nuclear annihilation (or its precise equivalent — going to the legislature instead of the governor, a ploy straight out of the Pol Pot playbook, the notorious "Polpotploybook").

But one thing is sure — in this moment of national crisis, when Obama’s Brownshirt bullyboys rule the streets, we must contemplate Revolution. A new "Boston Tea Party," perhaps, only this time instead of Indians the rebels will pretend to be successful businessmen. Because, after all, the Obama Porkulus Bill is exactly the same thing as child rape. And always remember:

There are pig farmers in the White House and Congress that would see you led in captivity so that they may dine on your fatted flesh.

Holy shit! Ony one sane response remains to us: "There’s much real work to be done – including the use of brutal force and violence." What other choice do we have, now that Obama is telling us "we have a duty to die"? All this while ignoring our imminent defeat at the hands of the terrorists.

Because, after all, Obama is a tyrant — and we know this most of all because, as the right wing ceaselessly reminds us, he is guilty of using demagogic "doomsaying" and over-the-the top rhetoric in order to frighten the American people and install socialism and fascism or some shit like that.

And that’s just plain irresponsible. I salute our friends on the right for preserving exactly the same firm stance against fearmongering for which they have become so justly renowned over the past eight years.

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A community college professor from upstate NY. My wife & I have 347 children, all of them rotten.