Chuck

Rubbing nipple sexily

Famed dessicated stick of fistic jerky Chuck Norris has news, frightening news! Barack Obama means to impose the Dictatorship of the Porn-o-tariat. And you thought Obama was only a Gay Muslim Trotskyite. Shows what you know.

Obama has nominated David Ogden to be the deputy attorney general, the second person in command in the Justice Department. According to the American Family Association, as an attorney in private practice, Ogden has filed briefs opposing parental notification before a minor’s abortion, the Children’s Internet Protection Act and the Child Protection and Obscenity Enforcement Act. He also has litigated many obscenity and pornography cases on behalf of clients such as the American Civil Liberties Union, Playboy, Penthouse and the largest distributor of hard-core pornographic movies.

Am I missing something?… Remember when porn was bad? Remember when ethics actually mattered in our choices for politicians? Remember when there were expected moral standards for leaders? Remember when politicians were role models? (Now I’m dating myself!)

Personally, I think it’s perfectly hypocritical for a man who is "dating himself" to be sneering at other people’s "morals." I have no problem with beating off, to be sure, but it is pretty weird to go around dressing up and making a night of it. Black tie & Jurgens, that’s our Chuck.

Ha ha ha I am just kidding of course how amusing just a joke. It is on the other hand extremely serious and troubling that Obama is on the side of such dangerous porn merchants as Penthouse, Playboy, and the ACLU (who are notorious for how they demand their affiliated attorneys only appear in court nekkid, or else in hawt dominatrix attire).

The banal point is that "lawyers" represent "clients" and that even people in businesses one might not like are entitled to something called "legal representation," an observation that renders Chuck’s point "stupid." (I apologize for the "legal mumbo-jumbo" here; I’m not a lawyer, mostly because I look disappointing in a Lycra bustier, but I do likes me some jargon.)

The more entertaining point is that Chuck Norris is a fine one to be getting all sniffy at porn and quasi-porn. He did after all play The Karate Instructor in the 1973 classic The Student Teachers. Plot? "Sexy student teachers at Valley High School give private lessons while being terrorized by a mad rapist."

Very, uh, ennobling, Chuck.

To be fair, he makes it up with his other very extremely moral films, where people get the shit kicked out of them in an entertaining manner. Films such as Good Guys Wear Chaps. Or else, A Force of Cum. Or Buttocks: Slipping in Lube III. Or Invasion: Huge Butts Gay. Or The Octagon, for which I could not think of a dumb dirty pun off the top of my head, but is still a pretty stupid movie.

Thers

Thers

A community college professor from upstate NY. My wife & I have 347 children, all of them rotten.

199 Comments