cross posted at brendan Calling


Eric Cantor decided to respond to Americans United with a video i think you’ll all recognize:

Now personally, I think this video is hilarious, and I’ve posted it here at BC twice. However, it’s not meant to be serious, and as a response to the very real demands of Americans United it’s inadequate at best, and mostly insulting.

But moreover, this video was sent to god knows how many people, many of who have young kids. My computer at home is old and runs very slowly: often when i shut off a youtube video, the audio keeps coming through for a minute or more. Put yourself into the shoes of a mom or dad checking this harmless-looking video sent by a trusted source, only to hear the word "fuck" every other word. Now imagine the kids are in the den too. i did and called cantor’s office.

Riiiing… riiiiiiing

"hello, Representative cantor’s office."

I introduced myself, and told the young woman that I was a political independent, and therefore receive emails from both parties. I had seen the video put out by Americans United, and i supported some of their points, but not all of them. "When I received the response from Cantor, I was eager to see what he had to say. I did not expect to be subjected to a slew of curse words, especially not with my 5-year old son playing in the room. What the hell were you thinking sending that out without a warning?"

The woman stammered and tried to make excuses. "we’re investigating, but I can tell you now it didn’t come from us."

well that’s a load of shit, but i didn’t say so. I just kept hammering away at the language.

"Last week i was in the grocery and some imbecile was swearing on her cell phone, and on the way home my kid starts singing the "Barney" theme except he’s using his new word, "shit". I tried to shut off your video, but the sound kept coming out. ‘Fuck this, fuck that, stick your finger up your ass’, my kid heard the whole thing. What am i going to tell his mom if he pickes that one up? are YOU gonna come over and set things right?"


"No of course you’re not. You’re sending these x-rated videos out to unsuspecting families. Ya know, for some of us ‘family values’ are a real thing, it’s not just something you hit democrats over the head with. You think i want my 5-year old learning the word ‘fuck’ and repeating it?"

"Sir, i completely understand but we—"

"No. No. I don’t want your excuses. I am the aggrieved party here: you brought unacceptable language into MY home, in front of MY child. I know exactly who sent that video out and why. And you know, I can understand Cantor’s objections [not really, ed.], but is there any way for the Congressman to act like an adult and speak civilly? I mean, you all threw a tantrum when Janet Jackson’s booberino popped out at the Super Bowl, and then you send out this fuck-laced email, pardon my French."

"Sir, sir…"

"I’m writing a letter to my editor about this. And I’m going to make sure I tell my friends from church too, and in the PTA. I’m not going to have MY kid exposed to that kind of language, and certainly not from an adult who should know better. You tell your boss i have had it up to here with his filthy language, and I am not going to send someone like that back to DC. You need to grow up and act like adults."


"No, i have to go back to work now. Unlike some people, I have a real job and can’t afford to spend my time sending dirty videos out over the internet. Goodbye."

And I hung up. I’m proud of myself. I really wanted to use the word "fuckin’" between every other word, but exercised great restraint.

That said, Eric fuckin’ Cantor is the biggest fuckin’ douchebag in Virginia, and if i lived there I would be fuckin’ embarrassed to have such a fuckin’ mental fuckin’ midget representing me. And you can call Rep. Fuck –I mean Cantor– at 202-225-2185 to share your fuckin’ thoughts with him. Be polite: no one likes a potty mouth.