sarah_palin_makeup.thumbnail.jpgThe full Esquire interview with Sarah Palin has hit the newsstands, and oh do we learn some interesting things, like fer instance, she’s addicted to Carmex lip balm! Deep. But what is fascinating is her inability to count:

Two meanings in Bristol’s name: I worked at the Bristol Inn, and Todd grew up in Bristol Bay. [La Figa: That’s two] But also, Bristol, Connecticut, is the home of ESPN. And when I was in high school, my desire was to be a sportscaster. ESPN was just kicking off, just getting off the ground, and I thought that’s what I was going to do in life, is be one of the first woman sportscasters. Until I learned that you’d have to move to Bristol, Connecticut. It was far away.  [LaFiga: That’s three! But she said there were two. OMG math is hard!] So instead, I had a daughter and named her Bristol.

 How cute.

Okay but here is where Alaska’s Frost Lady frosts me. Just read her answer on marriage below, where she says marriage is "essentially a business contract" and then tell me why the heck, gosh darn it, she is opposed to civil marriage equality? Shouldn’t everyone be entitled to enter into the same business contract, regardless?

 This is what I’ve been telling Bristol, before she gets married, is, Bristol, there are definitely gonna be tough parts in marriage. You have to look at those tough times and remember that you have essentially a business contract with this person. You’ve signed an agreement: You’re going to be together. And you look at it that way as you work through the tough times, because I guarantee the better time is there on the other side. That’s how we’ve looked at it.

The rest of the interview just made me gag: moose burger, fresh Alaska protein, worked waitin’ tables at a bar, skinny white chocolate mochas, cute, cute, puke, cute.

Lisa Derrick

Lisa Derrick

Los Angeles native, attended UC Berkeley and Loyola Marymount University before punk rock and logophilia overtook her life. Worked as nightclub columnist, pop culture journalist and was a Hollywood housewife before writing for and editing Sacred History Magazine. Then she discovered the thrill of politics. She also appears frequently on the Dave Fanning Show, one of Ireland's most popular radio broadcasts.