It’s Friday night, Date Night USA, and America wants Big Hollywood to lay out our entertainment options…

Joseph Lindsey: 

After protesting  that Hollywood objectifies women I will conclude with a smirky double entendre to prove that I’m not some kind of feminized pussy.  

Steve Mason:

ZOMG! Oscar Pix Sux Dix!

Michael Wilson:

That talentless fuck Al Franken keeps failing upward while I just fail obscurely, but artistically.

Robert Avrech:

Despite the picture, this is the least hot post you will ever read about women behind bars. No wet wife-beaters…no nipples… no shower scenes. Nothing. Flaccid city.

David Harsanyi:

America resents the fact that they don’t make anti-American anti-war films featuring anti-heroes these days like they did in the seventies. Attica! Attica!

Joanna Repsold:

Henry Waxman should totally promote bad information and myths about sexuality just like I do when I volunteer at this fake clinic. Chastity rulz!

John Nolte:

Me again. Watching old movies on TV again unless I can steal my neighbors Netflix envelope.

Charles Winecoff:

What hasn’t killed me yet probably won’t

Greg Gutfeld:

Faaaart. Heh. Heh. I farted. Where’s my fucking check, Andrew?

Jude:

As a sensitive folksinger type I’m not supposed to say that I’d "hit it"… but I totally would.

John Nolte:

Transgressive is just another word for "My taste is totally in my ass"

John Ridley:

As a black man, I just want to say that it is about time a white man got a job that should have gone to a black man.

Andrew Leigh:

I’d hit it too. Once on the backside.

Ace O’ Spades:

My life is so shitty that I find solace in pretending to be fat Michael Moore who is fat. Hah. Fatty!

Ernie Mannix:

Since my music career is going nowhere I thought I would try writing humor. What do you think? Really? Fuck. Maybe I should try juggling….

Thus endeth the lesson.