BREAKING: Election of Virile Black Man Compels White Talk Radio Host to Contemplate Non-Consensual Sodomy
I am ashamed. I must admit that, like many Americans, when I cast my vote for Barack Obama, I did not even remotely consider the likely consequences of my actions in regards to Rush Limbaugh’s anus.
I must say in my defense that I do not often contemplate Rush Limbaugh’s anus. I did of course years ago become aware that Rush Limbaugh’s anus contains cysts, of some description, and that this deformity prevented him from serving his nation gallantly in Vietnam, as he would have otherwise done willingly, nay, eagerly. The spirit was willing, but the polyp, it leaked.
But since then, I confess, I have not closely followed Rush’s news from nethers. But how can I turn a blind eye, or hold a closed nostril, to potential human suffering? Am I some sort of bigot for not wishing to contemplate how the presidency of a virile black man might impact the tender tissues of this Talk Titan’s tuckus? Perhaps he has a valid complaint.
We’re witnessing racism all this week that led up to the inauguration. We’re being told that we have to hope he succeeds. That we have to bend over, grab the ankles, bend forward, backward, whichever. Because his father was black, because this is the first black president.
I am a liberal myself, and as such, I must say, I condemn wholeheartedly — wholeheartedly! — every single individual who has called for the forcible sodomizing of conservative talk radio hosts on the grounds that the first black president has a black father. (The white mother perhaps explains the "lean forward" thing, maybe, though I’m just speculating.) You know who you are, you cheeky bastards! I mean, I don’t know who you are, but presumably you do. All of you! In your multitudes! Who must be out there somewhere! It’s. Just. Wrong.
I’d also suggest that it’s a national travesty the way all those leprechauns keep putting up rainbows in the sky just to dive into Limbaugh’s pot o’ gold. Damn immigrants!