Let me start this post by saying I have no problems with fems. While in my younger days I was uncomfortable around guys who had a little more sugar in their tank, I since realized that was a reflection of my hang-ups about my own sexuality. In addition I feel that I fall somewhere in-between the scale of super-masculine and super-feminine. I'm not a man's man–I'm not into sports, watch Sex and the City, Girlfriends and The Golden Girls and prefer wine and daquiris to beer–but I don't rock lip gloss either.

With that said, in hanging around some gay guys I feel that some are acting out some role that they feel they must play as fems. Just as some of the more masculine gays feel they have to be thuggish and finish every sentence with “kno what I'm sayin,” and “ya heard me” in order to be a “real man,” I sometimes feel like fem guys, especially the younger ones in their teens, feel that they have to be ultra flamboyant and over-the-top.
Now it's my personal opinion that all men, whether they be gay, bi, or straight, have some feminine traits in them, just as all women have some masculine qualities. The only difference is that when men, especially black men express any sense of femininity we are looked at as weak and inferior, while women are simply labeled as tomboys. That is, as long as women don't exhibit too much aggression or ambition, or a commanding presence, which are often considered masculine characteristics. Then they're labeled as shrewish, domineering and emasculating (You saw what happened to Hilary last election.) Hence the basis of sexism. But I digress.

I also believe that some guys are just naturally more effeminate than others. But at what point does this become annoying flamboyance, an outrageous, shallow act designed to make oneself the constant center of attention?

A while ago me and friend of mine hung out with two fems who I'll call James and Jacob. One time we went to Wal-Mart to get some food, and both them decided to wear high heels for the occasion. However, the problem wasn't the high heels, but the fact that they were so loud the entire time we were in the store, especially James.

Every other sentence was “HEEEEEY GWARL, YOU NOT GON SPEAK TO ME?” “YOU ACT YOU DON”T KNOW ME?” or “OOOH GWARL LOOK AT THEM TRADES OVA THERE!” as they openly taunted straight boys in the store. They also expected me and my friend, as the trade, to foot the food bill when we went to Taco Bell, since they were queens and thus considered themselves ladies who should be taken care of. (Sidebar: If you want to think of yourself as a queen bee or chick, fine. But if you're dating me you betta be an independent chick. I'm just sayin'.)

Not to mention that their conversations usually consisted of three topics: food, sex and men. And it often went a little somethin' like this: James: “Ooh girl I need to get some good dick tonight. Find me a man so he can get me a Lexus or something. Then fix up some ribs afterwards.” Jacob: “Yeah bitch. And I wanna thank ya.”

I got flashbacks of Jacob and James when I was over at my man's house for his birthday and we were talking to this younger guy, who I'll call “David”. David and the group he hangs out with do nothing but strut up and down the street all day, argue loudly about petty crap and start catty drama with anyone who even looks at them sideways. Now some of the guys are still in high school, so some of this can simply be blamed on youth. Hell at least they're out, which is more than I could say when I was 16 or 17. But they seem to have such a stereotypical and shallow understanding of what it means to be gay. Everything revolves around men, sex, clothes, hair and going out. There's more to life than good food, sex and fine men (although all three certainly have their place:).

My point is that if you're naturally feminine and a little flamboyant, then do you. But there's a big difference between being yourself and being obnoxious just so everyone can pay attention to you or feeling like you have to be a queen just because you're gay. Because ultimately that's just as confining as the closet you came out of.
*This is a post from my blog kclarkscorner.blogspot.com.




Leave a reply