They came to Hollywood…and nobody cared.


You’re a busy person. Places to go, people to see. Here’s a summary of what’s going on with the usual cast of idiots  over at Andrew Breitbart’s Big Hollywoodpalooza:

Andrew Klavan:

Why we fight and by "we", I mean other people

John Nolte:

Hey! There’s an old movie on Tuner Classic Movies. Imagine that…

Steve Mason:

I speak and write in an amusing SHOUTY patois I call "Daily Variety Headline"

Orson Bean:

I’m just plugging my biography where I reveal that I knew Jesus. No. Really. I’m that old.

David Harsanyi:

We’re supposed to be writing about Hollywood leftists so I’m going to bring up Jane Fonda. Did I pass the audition? Andrew? Anyone? Hello….?

Ernie Mannix

I’m a nobody in Hollywood and no one wants to take a lunch with me. Isn’t that weird?

Jon David:

Following in the great tradition of Penthouse letters and celebrity fanfic, I’m going to write about my dates with Hollywood starlets. Except the starlets won’t fuck me because I’m a conservative so there will be no happy endings.

Debbie Schlussel:

Ed Zwick should totally make a movie about a pudgy blonde jewess who tough-talks out of the side of her mouth and fights Islamoterrorists and wins because her Blue Eyeshadow Kung Fu is too strong for them. That would be awesome and I would totally pay to see that.

Stage Right:

Since I don’t get Rent, I don’t get much.

John Nolte:

Here’s another old movie on Turner  Classic Movies.

Andy Levy

I’m not funny. I mean, I’m second-banana to Greg Gutfeld not funny. How fucked up is that?

Tim Slagle:

I’m not funny either but we need more conservative comedians, so please hire me. Supermarket openings, kids parties…I’m not proud.

Burt Perlusky:

TV poker is boring. Not like when we used to listen to mahjong tournaments on the Philco back when I was a little pisher.

Ernie Mannix:

Most people who go on American Idol won’t win and nobody will take a lunch with them after they lose. Trust me this one, kids.

Debbie Schlussel:

Jesus Christ I hate the schvartzers and I would like to kill them all with my Blue Eyeshadow Kung Fu.

Stage Right:

Artists hate Andrew Lloyd Webber because he is conservative and not because of those fucking singing cats.

John Nolte:

Here’s another old movie on Turner Classi– What? Oh, fuck you. I only get one channel so why don’t you just go eat a bag of dicks.

Consider yourself brought up to date…

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....