You’re a busy person. Places to go, people to see. Here’s a summary of what’s going on with the usual cast of idiots over at Andrew Breitbart’s Big Hollywoodpalooza:
Why we fight and by "we", I mean other people
Hey! There’s an old movie on Tuner Classic Movies. Imagine that…
I speak and write in an amusing SHOUTY patois I call "Daily Variety Headline"
I’m just plugging my biography where I reveal that I knew Jesus. No. Really. I’m that old.
We’re supposed to be writing about Hollywood leftists so I’m going to bring up Jane Fonda. Did I pass the audition? Andrew? Anyone? Hello….?
I’m a nobody in Hollywood and no one wants to take a lunch with me. Isn’t that weird?
Following in the great tradition of Penthouse letters and celebrity fanfic, I’m going to write about my dates with Hollywood starlets. Except the starlets won’t fuck me because I’m a conservative so there will be no happy endings.
Ed Zwick should totally make a movie about a pudgy blonde jewess who tough-talks out of the side of her mouth and fights Islamoterrorists and wins because her Blue Eyeshadow Kung Fu is too strong for them. That would be awesome and I would totally pay to see that.
Since I don’t get Rent, I don’t get much.
Here’s another old movie on Turner Classic Movies.
I’m not funny. I mean, I’m second-banana to Greg Gutfeld not funny. How fucked up is that?
I’m not funny either but we need more conservative comedians, so please hire me. Supermarket openings, kids parties…I’m not proud.
TV poker is boring. Not like when we used to listen to mahjong tournaments on the Philco back when I was a little pisher.
Most people who go on American Idol won’t win and nobody will take a lunch with them after they lose. Trust me this one, kids.
Jesus Christ I hate the schvartzers and I would like to kill them all with my Blue Eyeshadow Kung Fu.
Artists hate Andrew Lloyd Webber because he is conservative and not because of those fucking singing cats.
Here’s another old movie on Turner Classi– What? Oh, fuck you. I only get one channel so why don’t you just go eat a bag of dicks.
Consider yourself brought up to date…