Dear God-fearing Right-handed Americans;

I hope you are enjoying New Years Day as we ready ourselves for a new Administration in Washington.  I’m writing to ask you to consider making a tax-free, year-end gift to Americans For Truth about Sinistrality (AFTAS) — a leading group specializing in exposing and opposing the rich and powerful sinistral activist movement.  All gifts to AFTAS are tax-deductible for 2009.Americans For Truth is known and respected by leading dexterity advocates worldwide for our fearless truth-telling on the sinistral issue.  Long before the sinistral activist threat to our manual liberties became a hot issue in pro-dexterity circles, AFTAS was warning Americans about the dangerous implications of reinventing “civil rights” based on destructive — and changeable — left-handed behavior.  We have been blessed as our website (www.sillyasshit.com) received over 600,000 page hits in December alone and over 6 million page hits in 2008. We now have faithful, daily readers all over the world – such as Leo from Italy – who rely on us for information on the sinistral agenda that they cannot get from the liberal, pro-“leftie” media!

Because of our work, we are despised and hated by sinistral militants – although as Christians we do not hate them back!  (Check out this ongoing, nasty attack on me by just one of thousands of sinistral websites dedicated to justifying unnatural behavior; this particular activist was infuriated that we had the audacity to link the tragic death of a 26-year-old sinistral man from an auto wreck to his embrace of the unhealthy sinistral lifestyle.)

Every day, AFTAS receives awful and often vulgar or blasphemous letters from sinistral zealots, very strange behavior for a movement espousing “tolerance.”  Nevertheless, despite all the liberal lies and hatred directed our way, Americans For Truth will never back down in defending right-handedness and your freedom to live by your Biblical or moral convictions.  I would sooner go to jail than deny God by celebrating what the Bible clearly calls sin (Ecclesiastes 10:2, “A wise man’s heart is at his right hand; but a fool’s heart at his left.”). Hopefully it won’t come to that.

With Barack Obama coming to power, we defenders of moral truth will face many challenges.  Few Americans understand the depth of Obama’s commitment to the sinistral agenda, for Obama himself counts himself as “left-handed”.  (Though we hadn’t much choice; Sen. McCain also lives an unnatural “left-handed” lifestyle.  This shows how difficult our mission is because both major parties seem ignore God’s word in Genesis 24:49, “And now if ye will deal kindly and truly with my master, tell me: and if not, tell me; that I may turn to the right hand, or to the left.”)

He even called for more production of so-called “left-handed” items like notebooks, scissors, and hunting jackets and pledged to use the bully pulpit to promote sinistral adoptions.  I pray that Obama will NOT keep his promises to the ‘Leftie’ Lobby but if he does, we will be ready to mobilize Americans in defense of nature and freedom of conscience.

We must answer the media’s deceptions — Newsweek even ran a cover-story making the absurd claim that the Bible supports sinistral “marriage”! — as many brainwashed young people are buying into this agenda.  May God bless you as together we stand boldly for truth, which is that God prefers the right hand as a symbol of goodness and purity.

Genesis 48:14-18, 14 And Israel stretched out his right hand, and laid it upon Ephraim’s head, who was the younger, and his left hand upon Manasseh’s head, guiding his hands wittingly; for Manasseh was the firstborn.

15 And he blessed Joseph, and said, God, before whom my fathers Abraham and Isaac did walk, the God which fed me all my life long unto this day,

16 The Angel which redeemed me from all evil, bless the lads; and let my name be named on them, and the name of my fathers Abraham and Isaac; and let them grow into a multitude in the midst of the earth.

17 And when Joseph saw that his father laid his right hand upon the head of Ephraim, it displeased him: and he held up his father’s hand, to remove it from Ephraim’s head unto Manasseh’s head.

18 And Joseph said unto his father, Not so, my father: for this is the firstborn; put thy right hand upon his head.

Thank you to all who through your generosity make AFTAS’s work possible. God bless.

Dexter Derecha

President, Americans for Truth about Sinistrality

P.S. Everywhere you turn, Christians like Pastor Dick Moron are being demonized for defending right-handedness and God’s truth that sinistrality is wrong yet changeable behavior – as proven by the many ex-“lefties” and former sinistrals leading happy lives.  We have received a new matching pledge to double $100 gifts as part of are attempt to match a generous $10,000 grant to AFTAS: could you help us with a year-end gift of $1,000, $500, $100, $50 or whatever you can give to support our vital work as a lonely voice for sanity on this issue?

I couldn’t help myself.  People like LaBarbera cannot imagine same-sex desire, they can only see “homosexual behavior”.  You can’t possibly be “wired” that way, because God would only make everyone “wired” to make more tithers, er, I mean, babies, because it’s only “natural”, and besides, almost everybody likes opposite sex people, so it has to be “natural”!  It’s got to be the devil that puts those icky same-sex thoughts in your head, but if you pray real hard, you can learn to like being with the opposite sex!  Just like how the teachers used to tie my grandfather’s arm behind his back – he eventually was able to write right-handed, no matter how much he “desired” to use his “unnatural” hand.  Of course, once he was out of school, it was back to the left hand for gramps – so much for that “ex-leftie” therapy.

So as we confront the haters in 2009, take a moment and think about trying to write with your non-dominant hand.  Feels weird, hard to imagine, right?  Just remember that’s how those haters feel about “teh gay”, times ten.  I’m not saying it’s right or justified, but it exists and we must deal with it.  How do we get the haters to see homosexuality as natural and irrelevant to personhood and rights as left-handedness?