What’s all this about Burress for Senate?  I don’t understand it, and I’m against it!

First of all, what has football got to do with making laws?  Oh, I know, some of you will tell me that football has a lot of laws.  I suppose it does.  I mean, there’s illegal use of the hands.  But then, we don’t need any more Mark Foley pervert or Rick Warren busybody type laws.  And catching passes doesn’t make you a senator, no sir.  Most senators I’ve ever heard of are always making passes, not receiving them.  I mean, look at them!

And then, who carries a gun into a club like that?  Plaxico Burress would have to be patted down every time he goes through one of those scanner things on Capitol Hill.  And what if he insults Jim Webb on the Senate floor?  It would be a shoot out, a bloodbath, Wild West!  That’s hardly appropriate for the United States’ Senate, I can tell you.  And Burress is up on charges and may go to jail, and Senators are not supposed to be indicted until AFTER they serve some time in office, as everybody knows!

And another thing. . .

"Um, Pach, that’s Roland Burris, not Plaxico Burress, and it’s Illinois, not New York."
 — The Editors

Oh. . . 

That’s different, then.

Nevermind.

Happy New Year!