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Soap Opera Marriages and Sniffles

Right up front, I’m gonna say that this is definitely meant as a “fluff piece”! But work with me here- I’ve done alot of, uh,… RESEARCH- YEAH, THAT’S IT- RESEARCH!… over the years on this one. More while recovering from a damned head cold recently.

And yes, a very deliberate dig of the use of the word “research” a la Bam-Bam and the Peter…


Drew Peterson’s non-stop press coverage, including his upcoming 5th nuptials, and a raging head cold got me to thinking this morning about tradtional marriage.

So let’s discuss marriage for a minute as portrayed in the television world. Heck, let’s take it all the way back to the preceeding radion era.

Flip the channel time!  Let’s see what we got here. A cop who is either a serial husband and murderer, along the lines of the infamous Henry VIII or horribly maligned. Honestly, other than he married alot and offed his wives on occasion, what does anyone remember about his monarchy?

Peterson has married 4 times, usually to women much younger than him (missing wife #4 Stacy was about 17 to his 48), and here he is now engaged to a 5th woman more than half his age while Stacy is still classified as “missing”. Drew is still legally married to her.

He’s only known this latest kid (because I’m sorry, but at 23, you’re still a bit wet behind the ears! Or at least I was…) a few months. Her family is livid and who can blame them?

Okay, got it.

Yet, religious leaders who squee and wail whenever a gay or lesbian couple wish to tie the knot have to the best of my knowledge not been storming over to Peterson’s house, demanding that his rights to marry be permanently revoked.

Hmm- this is a puzzler…

Hell, they didn’t even bat an eye at John McCain’s well-known adultery and remarriage to sugar momma CindyLou! What the heck?

So I guess multiple marriages aren’t that big a deal after all. And that thing about “thou shalt not commit adultery” is merely one of the “Ten Suggestions”, not an actual rule or commandment or anything.

Their “God” was just kidding, like when he littered all those pesky and hard to explain dinosaur bones around the place 6000 PLUS ONE years ago. What a joker, that guy.

Anyhoo… where are the big protests in New York and California, where they tape soaps, regarding these additional “serial spouses” of the television world?

1. “All My Children” (ABC) Erica Kane. 10 marriages and counting, including brothers.

2. “The Bold and the Beautiful” (CBS) Brooke Logan. Also 10, but multiple to same guy. Has married 2 brothers, their father, and a half-brother of one of the first brothers.


And it’s not just women:

3. “One Life To Live” Asa Buchanan. 14 marriages for that old cowboy before he finally hung up his spurs and illegitimate kids to boot. Yee-haw!

4. “The Young And The Restless” Victor Newman. At least 9 or 10 marriages off the top of my head and he even kept one in a cage for awhile, I think. Kids? Hell, he’s even had a frozen sperm sample stolen and made into a kid by one disgruntled ex-wife (who he’s currently banging again).

But they’re both mega-rich white men, so that’s all okay.

Oh, I could go on and on- every show has at least one character whose goal in life is to rack up the spouses like trophies. Kids born who have no clue about their true parentage, the circumstances behind their conception via affairs or what have you and inevitably discover it when needing a rare blood type transfusion or as adults, as they are accidentally dating or engaged to siblings.

Eeks! Potential incestuous marriage!! Rick Warren’s greatest FEAR!!!

And yet- NO PROTESTS. Why, one wonders?

Lemme chuck this out here- a wee theory. maybe it’s because these are all STRAIGHT RELATIONSHIPS???

Whenever a show has ventured into LGBT issues or relationships (and a handful have, going all the way back to Donna Pescow’s character Dr. Lynn Carson on AMC back in the 1980’s), there has been hand-wringing and mass hysteria.

OMG, the flurry of panic when Bianca, age 16, came out as a lesbian to her disapproving and shocked mother, the afore-mentioned Erica Kane in 2000, or when “As The World Turns” (CBS)Luke and Noah finally kissed!


I know it’s because the Comtrex isn’t suffiently clearing my sinuses and I feel like hammered crud, but dammit- I’M TIRED OF THE STUPIDITY, THE HYPOCRASY, THE HATE AND BIGOTRY. The willingness to label all of it under the unbrella of their Holy Bible, which is conveniently ignored or shoved into the bedside dresser out of sight.

How many examples of fucked up marital situations, real or fictional, have to be shown to point out the absolute insanity of the anti same sex marriage stance in America?

Dunno- but you can bet I’m not gonna stop pointing them out until we have full, equal, recognized in all 50 states marriage for everyone!

Pass the tissues and give me the remote, please…

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